Wednesday, March 3, 2010
On The Pretext Of Women's Day -08.03.2010
In the course of time I realised that when my brother planned to go for a movie , he was given money and was allowed without much hassle whereas I couldnot dream of any such adventure without having to answer a series of questions and any slight reason was enough to get a clear big No. To save myself from such disappointments I stopped getting into any such plan.I took it as a trade off , If I wanted to be pampered as a girl I had to give up my idea of fun to go out with friends for movies .
Similarly, One of my best friends, lets call her V , only sister of 3 brothers was raised with a sole focus , to teach her every skill which would make her an outstanding wife. Her father was the most indulgent father I have known .All her over protective brothers and father used to talk 24X7 was about giving her away to a prince charming(which they only were going to choose ofcourse) in the most grand weddding they could afford.My friend took this doting , a bit stifling albeit, in her stride.She would cook, stitch, knit ,weave the dreams of her wedding and feel thrilled.
She too, just like me, took this whole game plan as a trade off.If she was to be loved so profusely she had to give up certain freedom in her life.
Me and my frined V were the two examples of daughters who were wanted and welcome in the family but , I knew many of my friends who were one of the many sisters before a badly wanted brother was born in the family. The sisters were raised on hand me downs ,old books and shared all the deprivations to be able to save something for their young brother. One such classmate of mine, named C here , used to cook for the family, bath the baby brother, helped in many household chores before coming to school.She knew this Home Work was priority for her. Just like us, she also took it as a tradeoff .If she wanted to continue with her studies she had to give up her certain rights .
Another friend of mine, lets call her D , who was second daughter in the family and had two more brothers was removed from an English medium school and was sent in a vernacular school because father could not afford the fees.
She and her sister studied in Vernacular school while brothers studied in an English medium school. The girls had little choice but to accept the decision . They took it as a trade off between a good school for them and a good future for their brothers and may be parents.
There must have been many more examples around but the point here is , all these girls were allowed to be born and their parents did what they thought was best for the family(not necessarily for the girl) .
The girls were treated less than equal in the family but more importantly these girls did not brew contempt.They accepted the unfairness meted out to them without protest and yet remained forward looking.
V is now a mother of 3 daughters , all equally loved ofcourse. I cannot say how good she proved to be as a wife but she is an outstanding mother. Her daughters are learning swimming, badminton, aspiring for good careers .She knows that ostentatious weddings for her daughters can not be the agenda of life.
C is happily teaching Maths in an Engineering College.Her daughter is learning Bharatnatyam.
D too is a teacher . Happy and independent .
Now, about me, though my sacrifice looks really lame before what all C, D and V had to sacrifice in their lives , we all learnt the same thing in the course of changing times that celebrating girlhood is not all about giving up things in life . We all have brought this correction in our thinking . All these friends of mine are celebrities in their own right who till today do not hold grudge against their parents . The parents did what they thought was best as per their discretion and their daughters did what they thought was best as per theirs.
So my this post is a toast and tribute to all those women who succeeded against all odds and never became bitter in life.
Happy women's day to all of you .