Friday, May 14, 2010

8 Simple rules for marrying my daughter

When I was to get married , my Mom advised me "do not get married to a drunkard , if you want to have a sober husband" . I kept this advice in mind .........Okay, okay, who am I kidding? My Mom being an Indian to the core did never advice me anything about whom to marry or not marry or if married to a wrong guy what to do etc. because in Indian set up, a Mom telling a girl , what to look for in a prospective husband is feared to be construed as a green signal given to the daughter to go ahead and choose a husband for herself . This is believed as a seriously wrong move , very unbecoming of an Indian mom.

But, may be our Indian Mom's should have a list of Don'ts as far as “choosing a man” for their daughters ,even if they cannot dream of issuing a list of Dos, in the interest of their daughter's survival .
For example , if you are a mother in a village in Haryana who has birthed a female child and the girl is miraculously allowed to survive up to marriageable age , you should tell your daughter to not to contemplate marrying a boy from same "gotra" from the same village . When the khap panchayat wants to play the hindi film villain Pran by saying "yeh shadi nahi ho sakti..." , the little girl should not spoil the climax of the movie by
getting married to the boy from same gotra and thus ruffling the delicate fur of our caste based social system. Let the movers and shakers of Khaps have their the interest of her own life.

A mother of a marriageable girl who is either studying or working in another city should seriously warn the girl to be wary of a boy who first proposes her , makes her pregnant , does not instill the confidence in her so that she can share the news with him .This can be suicidal and if the girl does not choose to commit suicide , somebody in the family will have to take the trouble of "saving the honour" of the family. Therefore it's in the best interest of the girl to know that her family might choose cold cells of prison over the warmth of a hug of an unwed mother.

There is one more must have advice for the daughters (hostlers or otherwise), to not to choose a guy whose over-possessiveness gives a semblance of his disproportionate love for her. For all she knows, on a slightest suspicion of her disloyalty, he might stab her to death in her sleep, or if he is kind hearted , he may just throw acid on her face. ref: here. Mothers need to forewarn the girls against such dangers.

Indian mothers need to be more communicative about the serious concern of their daughters picking a guy for themselves. When a daughter chooses a guy (right or wrong) , she is more often than not overstepping her role of a Barbie doll in the family .And , its absolutely mandatory for the mother to tell the daughter , if the danger seems to be lurking more in her family than anywhere else , i.e. if the father is a big shot in the society , a businessman or a politician who has got used to getting his way , whatever the cost ,who has been keeping a company of supari killers as pals and who thinks its his and only his prerogative to find a match for his daughter .The girl should be taught to understand every part of NO ,so that she can see the light of the day , even if it is in the company of another guy who her father has chosen  for her.

Last but not the least , If you happen to be a mother from Hyderabad whose daughter chooses to marry a techno savvy but forgetful guy who wants to marry your daughter over a telephone or FB , you should vehemently opposes such move , as there is always a danger that guy suffering from amnesia will conviniently forget your daughter and choose another one from the same city thus causing you and your daughter lot of pain and agony. However, in the end the guy may generously agree to give divorce to his wife despite the fact that he does not even remember having married her once.

So, Mothers of daughters beware! Educate your daughters (not only BA, MA, Journalism, BE from IIT)  about life, people and about danger of being in a man's world.