Granny that she was

She breathed her last on Feb 1 st . she must be 101 years or may be 102 or 99….. a few  years difference did not matter for her  age .All I can say   is she was always old yet independent and  active as far as I  remember.

I became her another grand-daughter asa I was married and she was instantly on her job to pamper  one more grandkid  in addition to existing three .Same happened after my SIL got married she started doting on her husband too .She did not take time to wean out of formalities , she knew her role ……to be a granny as loving as she could get.

She never conceded to her old age  , she was one person who never withdrew from the happening scene in the household. She cooked as long as her feet allowed her to stand at one place long enough, she cleaned veggies, she hovered in kitchen ,exchanged recipes(yes exchange ! she would tell recipes of traditional dishes and asked for recipes of Idli , dosa , noodles). She never objected to trying new dishes including Pizza from Dominos. She was quite at the center stage of the house and remained relevant all her life.

Even people visiting us had an independent rapport with her . There were regular visitors in the house who came to seek her blessings on Dussera , Diwali ,  New  year .

When her great grand kids arrived , she was all enthusiastic to do the same job for them what she must have done for her grandkids ……..she told them stories ,bathed them often  when they were infant , fed them to the brim. Infact my elder son who is now going to be 17  even remembers she playing catching the  ball or playing cards with him. I very often secretly thought that she was capable of  spoiling the kids silly but it’s a miracle that none of her grand kids  or great grand kids were spoilt (that includes my husband too-I must admit begrudgingly). Ofcourse  it meant that she had a complete awareness of what was  pampering to the right degree.

She was hard of hearing for last many many years ,one handicap she could never come to terms with because she longed to make conversations , she always wanted to be in the loop . Her worst fear was to be sidelined in the family and to avert  that she constantly demanded attention , wanted to know more and more and this used to very often lead us to  exasperation and frustration . In retrospect we all (me, my husband ,  SIL ,BIL  ) feel that we should have been more patient to her and talked more.My Sil’s husband and my father  were two people who were most patient with her , talking sweetly. SIL’s  husband  even pulled  her leg at times which she always took in her stride . we communicated by dumb charades , wrote on white board , talked loudly( most of the guys in my house are ‘natural’ at it) almost in her ears . My  high frequencied  voice came to my advantage and BIL would sometimes talk in whistle which her antennas would catch without fail.

She was my mom in law’s mom . She lost her only daughter about 18 years back and eversince was staying with us . Barring a few initial years which she took to come to terms with her huge loss she was cheerful all her life. She learnt to dwell in the  happy  memories of her daughter and often talked about how my MIL got married, how was she as a young child , about my MIL’s job . She was very  fond of her Son in law. She was grateful to my FIL all her life for the fact that he had promised  to take care of her right at the time of his marriage.

If I want to capture the memories of last 18 years  she was with us , there are so many ………………….

She wanted to cook many dishes for me when I was pregnant and was suitably disappointed to know that I did not have any specific cravings ,  she did not teach me in a clinical way how to cook but since I played assistant to her in first few years of my marriage I learnt to cook her way. My cooking has  a very strong identity of her style of cooking . she  was so much enthusiastic about cooking that she was always contemplating making pickles , masala , wafers etc . Once ingredients were brought home , she would start follow up about when were we to  take up the task . When we shifted to a new flat on second floor above which we had a huge terrace her enthusiasm to make papads and potato chips and such stuff went on the hilt and everyday when  I came back from my job (I was teaching in a college then) would know that she had made some or the other thing and put it on terrace for drying . It was almost like she could not see the hot Sun getting waste . I used to get angry that she was exerting so much , I told her nobody wanted to eat fried stuff but it wouldn’t dissuade her . she not only made such stuff , fried them when guests came and each time I noticed that-  thesedays nobody likes to eat fried stuff  was such an unfounded argument.

She insisted on cooking until  she was about 90 years , even if she was feeling giddy and If I cooked complete meal before going for work , she would say ,  “ though I am not feeling well now  soon I will be alright  leave some cooking for me too”

Having her around was our mental preoccupation specially In last one year . if we had to go out ,  my SIL and me being in the neighbourhood always worked out between us who would keep company to her. Having 4 great grand children around in the last one year of her life was the best thing that could happen to her. She very generously gave money to all of us on our birthdays , festivals and insisted on buying new clothes. She enjoyed our  children , celebrated our lives, even if the youngest grandchild passed 1 st std exam she would distribute sweets and before the result plead God to pass him.

Her perceptiveness was something we could never defeat. She always knew if someone was angry, upset or sad. She would pester them to know what happened . did everyone eat, did everyone reach home safely , did anyone   not feel  well …….everything would come on her Radar and God save you ,if anything was the matter , she would not  let you be in peace until she knew what the matter was.

She was frail , weighing not more than 40 kgs but had a very strong presence in the house. She roamed about the whole house , making a mental note of everything and would awe  us with her alertness. If and when I went on a cleanliness drive she would ask one very pertinent question ‘  was anybody visiting?’   however annoying this could be , she was more often than not right in her guess.

She was a constant in the family for so many years, she used to go out very once in a while .I was so used to having her around and her constantly reminding me that she depended on all of us made my vision impaired …..I could not see that I depended on her as much as she depended on me/us. I considered that she will remain forever with us , I took having her around for granted , I mistook her company forever, whenever she demanded something I always felt ‘there  always was tomorrow to do it’ her normal routine and reasonably good health and independence   misguided me to not realize that she was 100 and any day could be her last day. I felt as though 100 years were not too many , there was always going to be the next day. Where was she going? What if she wanted to eat something special ? I could make it some day soon.Even in her last 3 days of life when she was hospitalized all of us  could see her end coming .It was just a matter of days and looking to her age and  frail body we infact  prayed that her illness should not prolong too far. In my  falsely assumed wisdom I thought I was prepared for the event of her death.  what I did not realize that event of death was something anyone with bare minimum common sense could anticipate what I had failed to  realize was nothing in the world prepared me for her non existence.

I did not know that –

 coming back home , opening lock , looking at her bed , her smiling photo , her constant talking I would miss so much.

 The gnawing feeling that she is waiting for me at home  and I am gone for too long , she wants me to talk to her and I am too preoccupied to talk will not budge from heart.

 She will leave a void in my home and heart.I will have to learn to live without her , as if a shelter is missing and I am standing under the hot Sun uncared for.

I wish I had told her what she meant to me. I wish  I had known it in full measure how much she meant to me.There are thousands of - I wish , hundreds of - guilts and an uncountable number of  memories which fill up my heart to think about her.  She was affection personified and her GGKIDS never had to learn the lessons of moral science to know how to treat elders in the family . they just learnt it by sheer virtue of her affection.

wedding anniversary .

I got up early , all excited , with an air of anticipation ,expecting incessant phone calls , mailbox flooded with congratulatory mails and smses saying all cute and funny things on having completed 20 years of married life. For some weird reason I was expecting the whole world to remember that it was my marriage anniversary today and was hoping that everyone I know would take its cognizance.


For the record , darling hubby did call up at 12 .00 midnight to wish ‘happy anniversary’ .He has never forgotten any important dates so far and that makes him qualify in the rare category of husband community who do not make obvious mistakes .

Early morning my brother called up , he talked about Lokpal bill , shared his kids’ antics while I all the while hoped that he would now congratulate me ,now would the C word come but all in vain .

I asked him - It's December you remember anything special?

Bro: yup. Christmas , year end, account closing time , my car’s insurance ……he would have gone on.

I had given up hope on he remembering on his own so I decided to be direct.

Me: its December 29th my wedding anniversary

Bro: oh yeah………I remember 20 years back ……29th you got married , 31st I rushed for Delhi for coaching.

This is the only thing he remembers about my marriage ? How self centered .

The C word was still not on its way .

Me: Do mom, dad remember?

Bro: I am not sure ,I will remind them though.

Me: wouldn’t you congratulate me ?

By this time , he had decided to be evil and …….a wet blanket and……. a spoil sport and was all set to pour cold water over my enthusiasm .

Bro: I will ask wifey to do that on our behalf. She looks after public relations in the family.

Me:Grrrrrrrrrr!

And he hung up . some time later I got an insipid Sms saying Congratulations but by then I had given up on bro atleast .

In the afternoon Mom called up . I complained and sulked .

Me: you did not remember that it was my wedding anniversary today , right?

Mom: Ofcourse we did . Just yesterday we were reminiscent of how it being the coldest day of the decades we had to make extraordinary arrangements for quilts and beddings for the guests .

(So even she had only such memories invoked .no special mention of my effort to make the marriage work , no C word and I was blaming brother for being self centered .I decided to go along with the flow of conversation in order to feel less frustrated)

Me: yeah…I remember . The previous to previous night I had put mehandi and because of severe cold the mehandi felt so chilling on hand and feet and there was a Bon fire in the backyard on the previous to previous night.

Mom: yeah and sooooo many relatives attended your wedding . almost everyone invited had come and dad had had a bad tooth ache . He wore dhoti despite my advice to wear coat and formals for wedding but he never listens to me………..And it was a two days wedding .These days nobody has it for 2 days.

OK. Now daddy wants to speak to you.

Dad: hello beta . our ashirvads to both of you .

Oh , I know my dad always speaks right things . He knows my feelings. He will never disappoint me . He is the best………….let hubby learn a few lessons from him on sensitivity ,it’s never too late.

The next thing will be Congratulations , I know.

Dad: Did S(hubby ) call up? Tell him I asked about him .

Me: yes dad , he did at 12 O Clock.

Dad: ask him not be awake till so late. How’s he doing there? We have received his PMI certificate and I have kept it securely .

Being thoroughly disappointed that nobody was interested to congratulate us or even as much as say ‘many happy returns ‘ even if in perfunctory way I now decided to call up people and tell on my own that it was our wedding anniversary today (as if they had won a chance to talk to me on phone ).

So , here are some snippets of conversations I had with family .

Cousin S : Hey didi , yr wedding anniversary today ? wow! We had so much fun on your wedding . It was the first wedding in family . We had so much of euphoria of buying new dresses, meeting up other cousins. So many relatives came and stayed with us .

Brotherin law: Gawd ! what a cold day it was. I was ferrying people to and fro all the day in my brand new car . what a trustworthy Fiat I had . You remember, due to biting cold many people did not turn up for the reception in the evening and we ended up having a tank full of Gulabjamuns.

I laughed away to glory remembering how my MIL was packing those Gulabjamuns for every guest taking leave and me and my BIL were keeping a count and tchtching the loss.

BIL: you remember , for days together we used to sit on steps and eat those gulabjamuns ,even when there were only floating pieces left in the syrup? What fun it was.

SIL: Hey yr wedding day I wore the orange saree . I have my so far the best photos taken in your wedding.

FIL: A gift of 4000/ sanctioned to you. 1000/for S and 3000/ for you.

Cousin A : my mom made me and my sis P wear similar shiny dresses and P had a big bandage on her head which she flaunted like a head gear .

Uncle B has had a memory loss recently so I told him ,it was my wedding anniversary today and it has been 20 years since I am married.

Uncle B: (accompanied with a roaring laughter) arrre wah! But are you counting ? was it so tough all these days?

Even I could not stop laughing the way he said . we both had a hearty laugh together.

Late in the night I told hubby about all these conversations and he laughed and said ,

So you called all these people on your own ?what were you expecting ? that you will be given a lifetime achievement award for putting up with me for 20 years .

I was speechless and then he said ‘our marriage is our matter , we owned it so well , people may have had stake in the wedding but never in our marriage so they will never be able to see it beyond wedding reception and glamour (did we have any?)’ .

Right, If he had been a drunkard or I had been a ‘main ghar chhod ke jaa rahi hoon types’(Please note the types of vices of men and women ,while a man has to be a drunkard to spoil the marriage ,women just have to threaten to leave and she qualifies for spoiling the marriage. Talk of hippocratic standards! ) then all these people would have pitched in and tried us to stay together but since there was never a chance of such emergency , our marriage reminded only this little to them .

I asked hubby what he remembered of our wedding day

Hubby : you were the simplest bride I had ever imagined . You could have even gone to college if you wanted, on our wedding day.

Me: that’s a huge huge exaggeration ,never heard of something so silly . How could it be possible , how could I go to college on our wedding day?

Hubby : yeah , right .It would not have been possible. We got married on Sunday.


PS-So, this is the documentation of some of the events of our wedding . It was quite a non glamorous , 2 days jamboree with hundreds of people from both the families attending and contributing a huge loss to the national income by being absent from work.And guys , while everyone around had lots of fun, me and my husband were just incidental in the whole scheme of things.

I conformed and I am guilty.

I am so damn a conformist that I want to kick myself for this once again. Being a conformist , seeking approvals , pleasing people has been characteristically me  but damn it ! I am not bringing an iota of change around me.
This Diwali was a very cozy affair for us. No invitations given , none accepted (in fact none received) being in a  new city and my poor inclination for socialising .The only three people who visited me were my bhabhi's mom  and  sister and the sister's co-sister. The co sister lost her husband a few months back so they very thoughtfully brought her along so that she gets some change from her otherwise subdued mood. Everything  went on well . we chatted , we laughed , we discussed kids , heard of old times when bhabhi's mom was a young bride .It was an all-women party .  My GMIL( age 100 years and is hard of hearing ) , I and those three had a good time together. We were women from three different generations and were  talking about the changes that have come in last century in a woman's life and her expectations from her family and expectations  from  her by her family . We all  by and large  agreed that things have changed for better.
     It was time to say bye and  just then GMIL suggested to give them haldi kumkum ( as is customary in traditional way). I  don't offer haldi kumkum to anyone but mostly around festival times and when GMIL is around she insists on offering it to married women . Me being stupid me , cannot ignore what elderly people in the family suggest ( Mostly some innocuous though mostly illogical requests are made which I try to follow  as my conflict avoiding  mechanism like  offer blouse piece to ladies visiting (matching be damned) bring red roses for God ,bring beetle nut , paan and some useless stuff to be given to ladies which I am sure  would be lying in their fridge  for days on) . I don't do it if not reminded but I invariably do it when  old people insist upon, but for once I should have given her suggestion a neglect . Asa GMILmade suggestion the cosister immediately left and started wearing her sandles and lingered outside in Verandah , bhabhi's sister  ofcourse was ill at ease like me  while her mom and aji(GMIL) were looking at me with expectation that I would go in  and bring haldi kumkum box .I felt the pressure and did not want to make it very obvious that  I  was avoiding it as bhabhi’s mom (who was a young widow herself) waited . Finally I gave haldi kumkum to the only   Suvasini(whose husband is alive) among the  three  hastily .
The granny has been staying with us for more than 15 years now and is almost 100 years old , I do not expect her to make a change in her thinking  and on top of it she is stone deaf and we have to engage in a lot of dumb charades in order to communicate with her . Bhabhi’s mom is from previous generation  and comes from a very traditional background so she must have resigned to her fate and still attaches importance to haldi kumkum and stuff ( I remember last time when I visited her for brief time , I despite being in a great hurry , she took me to her DEV GHAR ( god’s room) and asked me to put haldi kumkum for myself(she is not entitled to put it on my forehead herself  because she has lost her husband) .
This lady(C-S) who is still grieving her husband’s death , already learnt the dirty rules by which traditions go. She is  intelligent enough to know that haldi kumkum offered or not is not a big deal  but discrimination she will have to deal with is a reality and I feel she experienced it pretty early and may be in a  bitter way.
And you know what  I feel?I feel  such TRADITIONS BE DAMNED and PEOPLE CONFORMING (be it wily nily)to such traditions be damned .
Guys! I plead guilty.

Karwa chouth

Heey girlz!!! Wishing you a happy ‘karwa chouth’ today . I hope you all are fasting today , nirjala one otherwise the impact will be lost on God. If we fast without taking even water then we qualify in the ‘creamy layer’ of Godji’s list to be granted the supreme wish of ‘ getting the same husband in next 7 births’ . And God forbid , if you don’t fast today , you seriously run the risk of getting a super cool , romantic , non critical husband in your next birth and then …………..you will have to learn to adjust with him all over again .


Booking the same husband for next 7 births is such a convenient idea from our parent’s point of view . They need not search very hard a husband for their daughter, bait the guy with Alto , BMW or i10 , bribe Mom in law with gold because you see, its all lined up from the previous birth .All we have to do is not eat for one day , not drink any drinks whether soft , hard , wine , beer (  including  water) and just buy a cheap plastic colander of any size to see the husband in the night once moon shows up on a beautiful sky .

For uninitiated ones , there is a ready help available on the movie Hum DIL De Chuke Sanam about what to do once husband is back from work and moon is back in business of awarding the project completion certificates . If you are old fashioned better watch Maine pyar kiya for reference and enjoy on screen help on how to do karwa chouth (KC)with full verve and follow the complete procedure but, let me caution you ahead that MPK being the older version of the two has a detailed procedure to follow and the knowledge of singing and dancing Bollywood numbers is an essential prerequisite here otherwise the spirit of KC will be lost. Call neighbours , cook huge amount of food , dance and jive away to glory .

I hope you remember the movie’DDLJ’ , even in this movie KC is shown to be observed and the female protagonist shows to the girls who are in love with one guy and engaged to be married to another ,a trick to dodge the final colander ceremony . This part of movie is particularly helpful to the girls of Hariyana falling under Khap syndicate .

‘K C’ is an idea which has women emancipation in its core . Only women have the previledge to book their husband for next seven births and the KC fast cannot be undone by any other equivalent fast by men. Poor husband is at the receiving end in this matter . I remember my previous neighbor who used to shunt her husband to market just to buy green chillies ( according to her dal cannot be made without chillies) , would make him hop and jump so that floor could be mopped clean , would take appointment with beautician before a ‘ KC’ and poor husband always said ‘ oh Dear ! please don’t make dal if chillies are not there I will eat rice with coke ‘ or ‘ Please let me sleep the whole morning until the house is cleaned up to your satisfaction’ but the  fastidious wife would just ignore his pleas . Now on the KC day she used to shunt him on the terrace every year atleast 10 times to look for moon and give the confirmation so that she would also go on terrace for ‘colander ceremony’. Now , do you think the man had a choice in this matter to ask for a different wife in next janam …….No ! because fast precluded this option . Now all he could hope was that next janam they both would be black widow spiders and asa their marriage consummates , she would kill him .

In some parts of our country , on KC day wives are given gift , a saree or a jewelry post KC fast . This concept of buying a gift for wife is a very  pure idea in which a very fair deal is struck between the spouses . women keep fast on just one day , deck up for their husband , serve them hand and foot ,suffer the unreasonable parents in law in just one life and in exchange receive a gift worth thousands of rupees every year in next 7 lives. Isn’t the secret of a happy married life lies in being fair with each other.

So , gals if you are not fasting ………………………the risk of getting an altogether sweet supportive husband in your next birth lies with you . Later on don’t blame that nobody told you about the adage  "A known devil is better than an unknown friend".

My city –my life

This is not the city I was born in , neither I studied here and hence no extra ordinary emotions attached to the place so it was very natural for me to observe the city , Indore , in a dim light . (also many of  my husband's relatives stay here)

My early observation of the place was an extremely noisy city with equally unruly traffic ,poor roads , congestions on every major road. Of course the subsequent experiences made me see the brighter side too like people seem to have extra ordinary accommodation for all kind of unpredictable movement on roads . They may not be very courteous to people walking on roads but have super cool attitude towards animals walking /sitting on roads . Some of them ,I have actually seen with my own eyes ,while driving balance a mobile in one hand and virtually touch the forehead of cow in obeisance by another hand. Indorians instinctively know how to maneuver their way between potholes, cows, cyclists of maverick nature. It is one of those cities whose resident can most rightfully claim that –if you have been driving/riding a vehicle in Indore , you can very well drive anywhere in India.

Cows   parked  in the
 middle of the road

 caravan of camels  on
the far left side

Early learning treats

            ( You can see a young Indori getting trained in riding on roads which is  shared by animals)

Drivers world over consider honking rude but here ,in Indore , honking is an extremely polite way of informing people all around to just take a notice of your arrival. Its as benign as ringing a doorbell to inform the house owners of your arrival .Afterall vehicles can suddenly appear out of nowhere before you anytime , anywhere . Just yesterday a not so young man overtook my car from my left side.the guy had been honking to plead that I should give him a way to go ahead . Ofcourse , between the potholes on my right side and a hand cart slightly ahead of me I could not manage to allow him a go ahead , and out of sheer desperation he took his car on my left on the muddy lack of footpath side and managed to give me a furious look for some micro seconds .
Now , how many of us can manage to overtake a vehicle from left from a narrow space and simultaneously communicate the feeling of anger in those precise micro seconds of eye contact ? You have to be in regular practice of this kind of multitasking to be effective. Anyway , no hard feelings for the guy in question because men this expressive are hard to come by.

People here have very conspicuous penchant for huge cars of International brand . on the narrow roads you can be sure of having traffic jams every now and then with these elephantine vehicles cluttering the roads . But these Car owners of affluent background have to be appreciated for their wishful thinking that all the fellowmen sharing the same road have helicopters as their vehicle ( Vahan ) and in line with this wish they honk incessantly even during traffic jams and traffic signals showing stop sign. The vehicle right in front of you can move only if it had been a helicopter .

I have been inviting the rage of Indori drivers quite regularly eversince I have taken up driving here. the Tata- magic metador is a common public transport here and , Once a magician hooted me for my slow driving by asking me sarcastically “ are you promenading in a garden?” . On peak rush hour only these magicians have the required skill to drive fast and exhibit “ reverse Al Sita devi effect” i.e. break the ground and erupt all of a sudden on the road .

If you anytime have a chance to travel by these metadors you are sure to be touched by their magic touch which has only one prerequisite to board “ leave all your self respect at home” . they ask you to shift to fit in the fourth passenger of any size , they will definitely ask you to shift on a front seat next to driver to fit in a ladies ‘ Sawari’ if you happen to be a guy. They ask for exact change in advance otherwise suggest you not to board . If you are lucky to receive a change from them , say a fiver , rest assured it is one of the dirtiest one bandaged with cello tape .I even noticed a young man who was first moved from back to front and later in order to fit in 2 inseparable sisters ,was asked to leave .The conductor , a teenaged boy ,returned the money to this man who had travelled some distance already.What struck me most was –the guy did not even as much as protest . these magic vehicles can have such calming effect on even the brash youngsters . Their signature slogan is poor service@ Low cost .

 white& green decorated  thing is
 the magical vehicle-
 and NO! its not a boat

Guys , this is a city absurdly indulgent in food and the all time favourite here is “ pohe jalebi” which is available on every roadside shop , and mind it every second shop on roadside is an eatery . They even have 56 Dukan where all 56 shops are eateries which serve very sinfully delicious snacks making sure to lace your arteries with cholesterol and shooting your sugar level up by several notches with the exception of quite non oily yet delicious poha .and NO!, guilt of eating wrong is unheard of among Indorians .the sugary , tangy poha , decorated with boondi and sev is to be eaten to be believed .its kind of divine intervention by God that the youngsters of this city patronize the traditional “ poha jalebi “ as much as Dominos and Mac. The convenience of parking anywhere to get a plate of poha is uncomparable to the spotting a parking place in front of Dominos or mac . Parking is a non existent concept in Indore . You can park your huge vehicles anywhere and except vehicle pilfers nobody is gonna notice it , least being the traffic guys or cops of the city. The  Cops in the city are very innocent and  very indulgently ask the
citizens " do you think , your vehicle can get stolen? " . Guys! you dont believe me , right ? You think  devil in me has taken better of me ........Oh yeah !!! then look at this

Noticed the question mark?????

Most of the traffic signals are treated like ‘ Sabji bhaji ‘ i.e. you eat them only if your Mom is watching . Overtaking is a passion of the city more so among the bikers in their early teen ages . Stopping for another vehicle , even if it is negotiating a curved precipice is very unbecoming of any Indori driver worth his salt. They honk their signature obligatory horn and overtake from left or right depending upon their convenience.Indori drivers are 'ambidrivextrous' in their own right. I always wonder what kind of perpetual hurry  all the Indorians have   and who are  the people who linger and hang out for hours in front of all the eateries?

Please notice the young crowd on two wheelers , some of them are riding their vehicles even on footpath  This city hardly has any space onroad for people walking . Here , you  even visit your neighbours on scooter and some desperate  guys and gals even  prefer to go to bathroom   in their house on scooter .walking is too impractical in Indore.
 If my readers have any emotional connection with Indore and are incensed by my post which has pictures speaking louder than words , please wait !!!! I am in the process of collecting some real amazing pics of the city .
This post is just a curtain raiser and my way of dealing with the shock because before coming to Indore I was staying in a place which looked like this......

PS: I will soon post another set of photos if I start getting hate mails otherwise please consider this as my final opinion.

A mail to Ganeshji

Dear Ganapatiji ,

I am writing this mail to you with the faith in you and your understanding of the basic human behaviour and an appreciation for individual difference , I know if you had no understanding of  individualities of the people you wouldnot make all 102 crore Indians think different , look different , have different likings and tastes in life.

Ganapati bappa ,you know it only well that just like a seasonal cold I catch  religious feelings   only as long as you visit us  for 5-6  days in a year .  I dont enjoy the " mechanical " pooja and hence stay away from temples and holy places . I find the entire concept of idol worship with flowers , deep , dhup very non productive ( Little kids playing with dolls makes more sense to me than mature adults  giving you bath , dress and deck you up ). Dont you feel like a "  super sweet bahu of hindi serials bedecked with heavy chunk of jwellery?" . I have no objection to their belief in you eating 21 modaks everyday which I make  for you and then eat a few of them myself without guilt.I am sure you are aware that  I may not be a  very strongly religious person but I  have never denied your existence . You have only made me partially and seasonally religious so I guess , you cannot complain about it much .

I have a very valid logic to not to do any religious rituals all 365 days in a year  is that , you are Omnipresent and wherever I  keep my head or poke my nose , your holy feet perpetually  touch them .
I dont beckon you every now  and then but am thankful that you have responded to my prayers always.
you remember , the last time I summoned you was when I had been to a mall , some 3 km from home and suddenly panicked if I had switched off the gas under the cooker or no  and then I asked you to switch off the gas and you obliged .
just yesterday when we were taking you for visarjana (immersion) , I forgot to take the prasad with us which is also to be  immersed  along with you as your provisions for journey . I know you would not mind it much considering the fact that  wet curd rice anyway would  not taste any good but I was extremely scared of  kaka(Uncle) who would not have taken it very kindly  for my floundering the tradition but you helpfully had him also forget it .
Ganapati bappa , lateral thinking is your signature style .Didn't you teach the world that Revolution around world(pradakshina) is meaningless what matters is having your parents at the centre of your life and have your life revolve around them . I just hope that you remind this simple fact to all those careless sons and daughters who leave their parents in  lurch . I feel these people don't take you seriously and ignore your teachings because you have no nusance value . I have never heard anywhere that you got angry and punished someone . why don't you take a clue from your father who keeps his third eye as a deterrant. Everyone takes him so seriously.why do you have to behave like a traffic police who serves  only the decorative purpose of the cross roads and traffic signals?
You know Godji , times have changed . when I  was in school I was taught " cleanliness is next to Godliness " but now its the vice versa . have you observed that wherever the building owners stick your colourful pictures on the stairs , those stairs are clean and nobody spits paan there .
Ganeshji , last week we had so many pandals in my city  keeping your idols and arranging different dance competetions  and events on your name . Everywhere I observed that hardly anyone was keping company to you , it was only the DJs and  dance shows which attracted the crowd . I hope you did not have any identity crisis on this issue.
Godji , times  are changing , so is everyone . I hope you will be able to keep the pace with fast changing Indian attitudes towards our  value system .
meanwhile , may I please ask you to keep all my countrymen safe and happy and honest .Noone in my country should sleep on an empty stomach .
Yeah I know , this comes under the purview of our Government  but whats the point in asking them .
I have faith in you ! so I ask you!

Messing with toys ?

I have been a teacher for more than 12 years now , and I have immense faith in various inspirational and coercing methods employed to motivate kids to learn. I have learnt that you can inspire kids to learn , motivate them , incentivize them to get them to learn ,even teach them per force to learn to an extent but you can not teach a kid to learn if he/she  never feels the need to learn.

And here , I feel my rational was taking me towards the cynicism when I saw this ……………………..

It’s a simple harmless( plastic, no hard pieces , no choking hazards , all colours safe) play thing. A changing mat with necessary paraphernalia .

A play thing should either have a fun value or educational value (Its fun value is completely lost on me).With my limited experience of mothering two kids ,its beyond me to fathom how cleaning the butts of a ,however adorable baby ,can be a sheer fun experience .So I safely conclude that its an ,' simulating- experiential - educational toy' meant for little boys and girls so that they become highly efficient parents when grow up.

Now this could have been very handy if I had got such a thing before my first son was born . Because for good 3-4 days after the baby was born , I was pretending that it was my Mom’s “baby” .My Mom was doing everything for the baby and I was keeping company to her in her struggle to raise a baby after a gap of 25 years .I was disillusioned   only when  one day all my civil rights conscious family left me with the baby , home alone , to cast their votes for some election  .The angelic baby  here took a chance and soiled his nappy . With a "natural performer "in my lap , my first series of thoughts were ,

1 . Should I wait till Mom comes home ?

2. Why did Mom  have to leave me alone ?

3. Why did this fellow have to choose this time to perform ?

And then I had my moment of realization ……….A great  deal of mothering is  about cleaning the mess which children make .
I  ofcourse subsequently learnt to change diapers , clean the mess and all that ………. but My husband, an otherwise super cool dad had “specific learning disability” in this matter . It took him good 8 years( only when the second son was born) to learn to change the diapers of a baby .Until then he owned only the face and upper torso of the first son. He was good at carrying the baby ,feeding him , giggling , tickling , throwing the baby in air ,bathing the baby etc but cleaning time ........"not my BABY!!!!"

I wish his Mother  had  introduced  him to this  super helpful play -thing in his childhood then he would  not  have been a bundle of nerves  at "changing times"of baby .

Anyways ,I take this opportunity to thank and felicitate -

all the marketing guys , product designers, innovators and their likes of Toy industry for coming out
with such a novel “non gender specific ” toy which would help the coming generations to become highly enabled and empowered parents .

In fact I have suddenly developed a lot of respect for these young and enthusiastic “think tanks” who believe that you can teach anything and everything to anyone if you are able to motivate or interest  them. These guys are undeterred by the fact that some learning depends upon the  need  of the learner too .

But  ,  I  do seriously hope that these guys did some kind of market survey and made sure that there was such a demand from parents  for this play thing before launching it in the market , because for some unknown reason , my neighbour has stopped talking to me ever since I gifted it to her 5 years old son on his Birth day last week .