Board exam-who is appearing for it,anyway?

Folks, This is exam time and 12 th standard CBSE exams are going on.Yeah! the same mother of all school exams. Until your kids reach this level or your kids are well past this level ,there are all worthy reasons to give this exams a royal neglect. But if your children are appearing for this exam then I am sorry to say that you may damn, cuss,rant against this exam and, if you are particularly feeling flustered you can generally mix up your feelings about this exams and about  Kapil Sibbal, (you will feel a lot better to have a  human face to crib against ),but Heck NO! you can not neglect these exams. At least  for the whole year ever since your child passed his/her 11th grade exam and is promoted to 12th grade you are doomed to be obsessed with the 12 th standard .
The entire year of 12 th standard exam preparation goes like-
When a mom calls up her daughter whose kid is appearing for XII standard CBSE exam  and asks the daughter  to visit her ,the loving daughter replies like this-" I am sorry Mom I can't .you see Rahul beta is in 12 th standard now. I can't leave him alone."
When a friend asks the mother to join her for a picnic  she says" I am sorry sweety I can't .you see Rahul beta is in 12 th standard now. I can't have any fun this year.my child is afterall working so hard."
when the boss of the mother asks her to accept the promotion she says" I am sorry Sir  I can't. You see my child is appearing in 12 th standard exam this year, I can't afford to be busy since  my presence and moral support is required to him."
When the husband after coming back from a stressful day's work   proposes to his wife in the night like," shall we , errrrrrr, ummmmm.............?" the dutiful and beautiful wife instead of saying - not tonight sweetheart I have a head ache says inadvertently " not this year  sweet heart ,our son is in 12 th standard"
Horrified husband asks her " you mean , emmm , errr , uhhhh , ummmmm like the whole year? "
to which the wife replies with a  no nonsense tone -" yes he is in 12 th standard  for the whole year and if he does not get good marks he is considering repeating in 12 th standard next year."
Husband is speechless and  secretly counts the number of days for the exams to be finished.
The entire year can be called an year of denials. Parents decline invitations to parties, deny the guests who intend visiting, forgo TV  watching, forget dining out, postpone tours, in short they deprive themselves of every  lively moment in their lives.The usual life is completely stalled. Rahul baba    beta and Ishita beti who are appearing for the exam  feel the pressure of parental sacrifice and work even harder. The parents feel as though they are only studying in 12th standard with a minor difference that they do not have to study and do not mercifully  have to  appear for exam.
The mother applies a long leave from her job, wakes up with the kid , sleeps with the kid, gives him a healthy breakfast, hot hot lunch , dinners at any ungodly hour when the kid demands,sits through the night with her beta/beti for the company sake, forgets her own self and gets focussed on exam and result no less than the  mother goose sitting on her precious eggs.
Since the mother is all consummed by the 12th board exams ,she naturally starts losing appetite, she has given up partying,entertainment,socialising and every conceivable fun possible  from an already slim list of fun ideas  an Indian mom of grown up kids is allowed to have.To kill time she resorts to pining about her kids career , pooja path and mannats at every temple and giving regular reminders to her kid to work hard for 12th board.
Daddy dear however is going through the standards of the day and time to time reminds mom to remind kids to work hard as he would not like to  pay for kid's mobile and petrol bills all his life.
Following the advice from her husband mom takes up the job of giving reminders gentle or otherwise.
when kid demands a pizza ,she says " yes but you promise to score 95% marks in board exams". When  kid asks for going out with friends ,she says" yes if only you study for 23.5 hours in a day"
when the kid asks her to hand over the towel in bathroom which he/she forgot to carry she says" yes darling I will get your towel if you promise to be in the merit list of board exams" . The kids are flustered less with umpteen books and  scary numericals than with infinite expectations.
Parents are systematically investing in their children's careers lives.Some day when these kids grow up and want to have their way which might antagonise the parents , a  cliched statement like- how could you do that to me , I carried you in my womb for nine months? can be replaced by -how could you do that (read- marry inter cast/reject a job in USand take up one in India/ leave your job to pursue your hobby/ stay independently.......) ,I carried the burden of  your 12 th standard year and exams.
Once the exam date is declared , the scenario changes entirely. The kids are into their own world, studying , revising,memorising,calling up friends and discussing problems online.Parents are just left wondering if they have any role  to play in their kid's career.
In front of exam hall , all 12th grade examinees gather.They  discuss problems, reassured to see each others and geared up to sail through exams while parents are on needles and pins ,clueless and petrified.Kids are looking forward to exams and parents are thanking their stars that  they are done with their school pass out exam loooong back.Since kids are busy with their exam preparation parents are left to fend for their own worries and woes. To fill in the vacuum parents check up the time table again and again.Middle of the night a sweaty mom would see the calendar and time table to make sure that there is no goof up in dates. She has nightmares that her kid's physics paper was yesterday and she by mistake sent him on next day.
After a series of exams and results , the kid has gotten into a good college. Mom has just heaved a sigh of relief  and daddy dear is boasting to all his friends and colleagues about his kiddo's great achievement.While the kid is sent to college with a great sense of achievement ,father relieved to have a normal life resumed ,guests happy to be welcome once again , other members in the family overjoyed to reclaim their TV watching , in short everyone is feeling  just like kashmiri people would be  feeling after a long drawn curfew lifted .Its only the mom who looks at her empty nest and secretly counts the days for her kid's first vacation home.

On The Pretext Of Women's Day -08.03.2010

 As I key in these words I am feeling a bit overwhelmed for the fact that when I was born ,or for that matter, all the women of my generation  or previous generations were born in India atleast , their parents had never heard of  sex determination tests  , nor did they contemplate   female infanticide the solution to the problem of having  to raise one more unwanted girl in the family. 

Ofcourse I was always given to beleive that my parents longed to have a girl child  and when I was born their joy knew no bounds.I had  no reason to doubt that yet as a little girl I always suspected a thin  biasedness in their actions towards my elder brother.

When they thought it was a right age for my brother to learn cycling , he was bought a brand new cycle (men's cycle) ,he learnt cycling and so did I ,on the same cycle, but nobody ever thought of buying a girl's cycle for me .In those  time   parents did not buy books, cycles , toys seperately for  each kid.These things used to be a shared property, even handed down to younger cousins later on .Despite this fact I always took this personally and thought it was partial of them to not to buy me a cycle. They always bought new dresses for me on every festival which made me feel very special as a girl and I took it as a celebration of girlhood to be able to receive gifts on Rakhee /bhai duj or get  a new dress.

In the course of time I realised that when my brother planned to go for a movie , he was given money and was allowed  without  much hassle  whereas I couldnot dream of any such adventure without having to answer a series of questions  and any slight reason was enough to get a clear big No. To save myself from such disappointments I stopped getting into any such plan.I took it as a trade off , If I wanted to be pampered as a girl  I had to give up my idea of fun to go out with friends for movies .

Similarly, One of my best friends, lets call her  V , only sister of 3 brothers was raised with a sole focus , to teach her every skill which would make her an outstanding wife. Her father was the most indulgent father I have  known .All  her over protective brothers and father used to talk 24X7 was about  giving her away to a prince charming(which they only were going to choose ofcourse) in the most grand weddding they could afford.My friend took this doting , a bit stifling albeit,  in her stride.She would cook, stitch, knit ,weave the dreams of her wedding and feel thrilled.
She too, just like me, took this whole game plan as a trade off.If she was to be loved so profusely she had to  give up certain freedom  in her life.

Me and my frined V were the two examples of daughters who were wanted and welcome in the family but , I knew many of my friends who were one of the many sisters before a badly wanted brother was born in the family. The sisters were raised on hand me downs ,old books  and shared all the deprivations to be able to save something for their  young  brother. One such  classmate of mine, named C here , used to cook for the family, bath the baby brother, helped in many household chores before coming to school.She knew this Home Work was priority for her. Just like us, she also took it as a tradeoff .If she wanted to continue with her studies she had to give up her certain rights .

Another friend  of  mine, lets call her D , who was second daughter in the family and had two  more brothers was removed from an English medium school  and was sent in a vernacular school because father could not afford the fees.
She and her sister studied in Vernacular school while brothers studied in an English  medium school. The girls had little choice but to accept the decision . They took it as a trade off between a good school for them and a good future for their brothers and may be parents.

There must have been many more examples around   but the point here is , all these girls were allowed to be born and their parents did what they thought was best for the family(not necessarily for the girl) .
The girls were treated less than equal in the family but   more  importantly these  girls did not brew contempt.They accepted the unfairness meted out to them without protest and yet remained forward looking.

V is now  a mother of  3 daughters , all equally loved ofcourse. I cannot say how good she proved to be as a wife but she is an outstanding mother. Her daughters are learning swimming, badminton, aspiring for good careers .She knows that  ostentatious weddings  for her daughters  can not be the  agenda of life.

C is happily teaching  Maths in an Engineering   College.Her daughter is learning Bharatnatyam.

D too is  a teacher . Happy and independent .
Now, about me, though my sacrifice looks really lame before what all C, D and V had to sacrifice in their lives  , we all learnt the same thing in the course of changing times that celebrating girlhood is not all about giving up things in life  . We all have brought this correction in our thinking . All these friends of mine are celebrities in their own right who till today do not hold grudge against their parents . The  parents did what they thought was best as per their discretion and their daughters did what they thought was best as per theirs.
So my this post is a toast and tribute to all those women who succeeded  against all odds and never became bitter in life.

                  Happy women's day to all of you .