Thursday, March 21, 2013

Board exam-who is appearing for it,anyway?

Folks, This is exam time and 12 th standard CBSE exams are going on.Yeah! the same mother of all school exams. Until your kids reach this level or your kids are well past this level ,there are all worthy reasons to give this exams a royal neglect. But if your children are appearing for this exam then I am sorry to say that you may damn, cuss,rant against this exam and, if you are particularly feeling flustered you can generally mix up your feelings about this exams and about  Kapil Sibbal, (you will feel a lot better to have a  human face to crib against ),but Heck NO! you can not neglect these exams. At least  for the whole year ever since your child passed his/her 11th grade exam and is promoted to 12th grade you are doomed to be obsessed with the 12 th standard .
The entire year of 12 th standard exam preparation goes like-
When a mom calls up her daughter whose kid is appearing for XII standard CBSE exam  and asks the daughter  to visit her ,the loving daughter replies like this-" I am sorry Mom I can't .you see Rahul beta is in 12 th standard now. I can't leave him alone."
When a friend asks the mother to join her for a picnic  she says" I am sorry sweety I can't .you see Rahul beta is in 12 th standard now. I can't have any fun this child is afterall working so hard."
when the boss of the mother asks her to accept the promotion she says" I am sorry Sir  I can't. You see my child is appearing in 12 th standard exam this year, I can't afford to be busy since  my presence and moral support is required to him."
When the husband after coming back from a stressful day's work   proposes to his wife in the night like," shall we , errrrrrr, ummmmm.............?" the dutiful and beautiful wife instead of saying - not tonight sweetheart I have a head ache says inadvertently " not this year  sweet heart ,our son is in 12 th standard"
Horrified husband asks her " you mean , emmm , errr , uhhhh , ummmmm like the whole year? "
to which the wife replies with a  no nonsense tone -" yes he is in 12 th standard  for the whole year and if he does not get good marks he is considering repeating in 12 th standard next year."
Husband is speechless and  secretly counts the number of days for the exams to be finished.
The entire year can be called an year of denials. Parents decline invitations to parties, deny the guests who intend visiting, forgo TV  watching, forget dining out, postpone tours, in short they deprive themselves of every  lively moment in their lives.The usual life is completely stalled. Rahul baba    beta and Ishita beti who are appearing for the exam  feel the pressure of parental sacrifice and work even harder. The parents feel as though they are only studying in 12th standard with a minor difference that they do not have to study and do not mercifully  have to  appear for exam.
The mother applies a long leave from her job, wakes up with the kid , sleeps with the kid, gives him a healthy breakfast, hot hot lunch , dinners at any ungodly hour when the kid demands,sits through the night with her beta/beti for the company sake, forgets her own self and gets focussed on exam and result no less than the  mother goose sitting on her precious eggs.
Since the mother is all consummed by the 12th board exams ,she naturally starts losing appetite, she has given up partying,entertainment,socialising and every conceivable fun possible  from an already slim list of fun ideas  an Indian mom of grown up kids is allowed to have.To kill time she resorts to pining about her kids career , pooja path and mannats at every temple and giving regular reminders to her kid to work hard for 12th board.
Daddy dear however is going through the standards of the day and time to time reminds mom to remind kids to work hard as he would not like to  pay for kid's mobile and petrol bills all his life.
Following the advice from her husband mom takes up the job of giving reminders gentle or otherwise.
when kid demands a pizza ,she says " yes but you promise to score 95% marks in board exams". When  kid asks for going out with friends ,she says" yes if only you study for 23.5 hours in a day"
when the kid asks her to hand over the towel in bathroom which he/she forgot to carry she says" yes darling I will get your towel if you promise to be in the merit list of board exams" . The kids are flustered less with umpteen books and  scary numericals than with infinite expectations.
Parents are systematically investing in their children's careers lives.Some day when these kids grow up and want to have their way which might antagonise the parents , a  cliched statement like- how could you do that to me , I carried you in my womb for nine months? can be replaced by -how could you do that (read- marry inter cast/reject a job in USand take up one in India/ leave your job to pursue your hobby/ stay independently.......) ,I carried the burden of  your 12 th standard year and exams.
Once the exam date is declared , the scenario changes entirely. The kids are into their own world, studying , revising,memorising,calling up friends and discussing problems online.Parents are just left wondering if they have any role  to play in their kid's career.
In front of exam hall , all 12th grade examinees gather.They  discuss problems, reassured to see each others and geared up to sail through exams while parents are on needles and pins ,clueless and petrified.Kids are looking forward to exams and parents are thanking their stars that  they are done with their school pass out exam loooong back.Since kids are busy with their exam preparation parents are left to fend for their own worries and woes. To fill in the vacuum parents check up the time table again and again.Middle of the night a sweaty mom would see the calendar and time table to make sure that there is no goof up in dates. She has nightmares that her kid's physics paper was yesterday and she by mistake sent him on next day.
After a series of exams and results , the kid has gotten into a good college. Mom has just heaved a sigh of relief  and daddy dear is boasting to all his friends and colleagues about his kiddo's great achievement.While the kid is sent to college with a great sense of achievement ,father relieved to have a normal life resumed ,guests happy to be welcome once again , other members in the family overjoyed to reclaim their TV watching , in short everyone is feeling  just like kashmiri people would be  feeling after a long drawn curfew lifted .Its only the mom who looks at her empty nest and secretly counts the days for her kid's first vacation home.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

We are for Men's day!

Recently I received a mail which ofcourse  has a humorous overtone yet I thought it  imperative to respond for the sake of non trivialising the women's issues.
The mail goes like.............

Who is a MAN?

A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts
compromising at a very tender age.

He sacrifices his chocolates 4 his sister.

He sacrifices his dreams 4 just a smile on his parents face.

He spends his entire pocket money on buying gifts 4 the girl he loves
just 2 see her smiling

He sacrifices his full youth 4 his wife & children by working late @
night without any complaint.

He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them 4 lifetime.

He struggles a lot & still has 2 bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss.

His mother, wife & boss all try 2 control him.

His life finally ends up only by compromising 4 others happiness.

Respect every male in your life.
U will never know what he has sacrificed 4U.

Worth sending 2 every man 2 make him smile & every woman 2 make her
realize his worth!!

Agar aurat par hath uthaye to BESHARAM,
Aurat se maar khae to BUZDIL,
Aurat ko kisi ke 7 dekh ker ladai kre to JEALOUS,

Chup rahe to DARPOK,

ghar se bahar rahe to AAWARA,

ghar me rahe to NAAKARA,

bachho ko dante to ZALIM,

na dante to LAPARWAH,

Aurat ko naukari karane se roke to SHAK KARNE WALA,

na rokey to BIWI ki kamai KHANE WALA,

Maa ki mane to CHAMCHA,

Biwi ki sune to Joru ka GULAM...
Na Jane Kab Aayega,


 My reply is-

This  post may be a day late but atleast not a dollar short as the  objective of this post is to assure  those among  the rest of the 50% of population who does not get covered by  8th March celebrations ,who feel being short changed by not having an exclusive ‘men’s day’ declared by UN and no hullaballoo on their empowerment that we women are also for EQUALITY.
 Dear  all those men if you feel it is only unfair to not have a dedicated men’s day for you ,please know that  we women are willing to give you  one ,infact two (since you guys are so used to getting a larger share of everything from food  to education to attention) if for the rest of the 363 days you agree to play a ‘fair game’ .So , is it a deal that one day in a year we are in focus, our issues and concerns are addressed , two days yours and rest of the days in a  year  we share everything 50-50? Would you learn to be thoughtful about  the needs and   feelings  of  other sex?
 Do you promise that everytime there is a guy violating a girl , instead of some of   you joining him and forming a gang you would instead try to stop him?
Do you promise that you would not sneer at the jokes cracked on a woman’s anatomy? Nor would you make or encourage lecherous comments on any woman ?We promise even we would refrain from the same.
Dear guys, who can understand better than us  the feeling of being ‘left out’ so yup there has to be men’s empowerment  too . Your financial freedom , your  freedom to choose a partner, your need to dress up the way you want, your choice for a job -everything is as important as ours . So by same logic , our job, our education ,our freedom, our financial freedom is also equally important .We are ready to fight tooth and nail for your rights but would you fight for our rights too? Next time when your people  suggest that we don’t wear a jeans or stop working or hand over our entire money to them and be financially crippled ,we assume that you would see it wrong and oppose. We will also tell our parents in no uncertain terms that your dressing, your food choice, your earnings are completely your business .Deal?
Patriarchy hurts, stings and is at times killing  for both the sexes. Neither we like  to get a raw deal from family, society and its tenets  which are almost always askewed in favour of men  nor do you like to be the default  bread winners  for the family or have the  burdon of being the man in the shining armour so let’s decide to have a level playing field . You earn, we earn, you cook , we cook, you  wash the bums  and change the diapers of the baby and we do the same ……….but please, please don’t grudge on maternity leave issue .We promise if you become pregnant we women will fight for your right to maternity leave too.
Stop griping about being called as' joru ka gulam ,ma ka chamcha' etc because if you see it carefully ,these name callings are almost as much to women as to men  .Its a negative comment about a wife who tries to tame her husband or a mom who mollycoddles her grown up son .
If you are tired of treating us women as ‘objects’, if you feel sick that women are oppressed and are seen as your property ,if you feel that it is unfair to not allow a female child to be born, if you feel for the girl children who are forced into domestic labour,as sex workers,deprived of education expect to walk kilometers and kilometers to fetch water,abused ,subjected to domestic voilence,  then you do deserve a men’s day .
 Lets try to respect each other’s  right to live,individuality  , preferences for life styles and tastes. Let’s promise to treat each other’s as people. Nothing more nothing less.Deal?