Monday, February 22, 2010

Save the tiger (from public ignominy)

Tiger of the urban woods (TUW) came out in open , faced the media , mother and the country first time after the -the world knows it all  now- we have spilled the beans   act of his more than 2 baker's dozen   betraying girl friends and the accident his car  had  with a fire hydrant and a tree(a common  urban man would have an uninteresting accident with a girl in the opposite car -point to be noted).
 the most difficult   part must have been to face the mother ,afterall media and country will soon have other things to bother about , but no you cannot run away from your own mother and mother in law ,right?
Since then , TUW has been chased by everyone, I mean,people are curious to know- how on earth?

 How ,could he do that ?
how could, he do that ?
how could he, do that?
how could he do , that?
If you type tiger in google search  you will find  43,000,000 results  against the measely no of 1411  tigers in Indian woods if you search really hard for them . Poor Indian tigers ,imagine their plight , they stand poor second in popularity too. save Indian  tigers, from obscurity atleast.
So, coming back to the TUW , he apologised to the family and friends and wife and kids and most importantly the famous brand owners/CEOs, for the brands  he was endorsing. American being very forgiving(remember Hillary Clinton how magnanimously she forgave her husband when such  a need arised in her marriage and his presidency),  I have little doubt that people will not forgive him eventually  or atleast forget his (mis)adventures off the Golf field.
 Right now TUW has been undergoing a  rehab treatment in Florida and he needs to be left alone there
 (ALONE -OK) .
People are chasing him to ask a thousand questions and hence ,for the benifit of all  the nosy parkers he has answered some FAQs here ......

Q1) what kind of rehab programme have you joined in Florida ? please tell us some details .
A1)  Well! its on the same lines as alcoholics anonymous with a little bit of difference in its treatment .
its called "womenohlics unanimous". It is a comprehensive treatment program which focusses on life style, pschycological help , medications, yoga and even spirituality. Indian philosophy and spirituality has been given  particular emphasis in the  program.

 Q2) what kind of life style changes have  they advised you  ?

A2) Again , its the same as you would suggest to someone who wants to quit drinking or smoking like - don't keep the women at home . if you really want them badly ,you should plan to visit her atleast 200 kms away from your place, the trouble of driving through the traffic , taking a time out from the routine , homely surroundings would discourage you from the craving .another thing is , we are advised to keep off from the company of people(women) who make you vulnerable . we should hang out in the company of men , preferably those who have unconventional inclination or lack of it towards women .

Q3) what are the other activities in this rehab plan?
A3) we have catharasis sessions here wherein many famous people with different careers come and talk about how their career suffered due to the addiction  .like they  had  called Bill Clinton to share his experience about how he was close to impeachment during his presidency term.
Also, I have an inmate , a geriatric guy called ND Tiwari from India who talked about how he was caught by a snoopy camera and had to lose his governer's job recently. There are some Bollywood film stars also  who are undergoing the treatment here .
there is one guy called Aman Verma whose career has ruined because of the addiction and another guy -Shakti Kapoor  whose addiction was soo bad that  even  very old bollywood actresses came to sets with their moms and, these moms being on death beds and not having their  mothers alive had to engage private musclemen for  their security.   this guy ,shakti kapoor is a big time villain in bollywood who   was shown to  rape atleast 3  women per movie .In order to bring a touch of  reality in to his job  he went on to buy a casting couch and practiced on it , as per the scene's demand. Now he is under most intensive treatment here.
then , there is a spiritual leader called  Asa Ram bapu who is also invited here.

Q4) Asaramji? but we have heard that he is also involved in cases of  voilating women ?
A4) Yes , yes .....I mean NO NO .he is not called here for spiritual counselling but for catharasis session only.

Q5) what kind of diet and medication is  prescribed to you ?
A5) I am mostly on a raw diet , like raw onions, garlics and some  offensive smelling raw sea food .
     these foods will prevent me from all those girls who show extra ordinary interest in me.
 medication is mostly to detoxify the body . I am asked to avoid xinseng ,a korean aphrodiasiac and have been given an  antiviagral IV 4 times a day.

Q6) What kind of Pschycological help is given to you so far?
A6) I am told that  acknowledging your mistakes is the  biggest step in the direction of feeling guilt free and start afresh . so I am given many counselling sessions in which I jot down all my sorties  encounters with different girls which I would eventually tell my wife . Obviously I do not remember each one of them so Iam given hypnosis treatment through which I will recall certain objects girls from my subconscious memory  and would talk about them to my wife Elen.

Q7) are you hopeful that your wife will  forgive you ?
A7) Ofcourse . there are some short sessions  of counselling for families of victims of addiction also .
like my wife will be attending a  seminar by Hillary clinton on "how to move on" and a special crash course by regressive women's  magzine editor and  Indian serial producer Ekta kapoor  on " Kapati parmeshwar". I am sure such efforts will be helpful.

Q8) Do you feel that your fame, money , popularity made it easy to  be falliable? do you have any advice for a common man ?
A8) Yes , money , popularity made me think ,it was all I deserved and was alright to have . for the common man I have only one advice - have your EMI's so high that you do not have time and energy and resources  to think of  EMA's.

Q9) what are EMAs?

A9) Oh!  they are  Extra marital affairs- simply .


Nb- while creating this blog  I had unchecked the adult stuff content and I still stand by it. Information  given here is purely  of academic and curiosity quencher nature.


  1. That's a hilarious take, specially the kapati parmeshwar bit.
    I keep wondering, a guy who had it all, a successful career, plenty of money, fame, a beautiful wife and 2 lovely children, why would he do such a thing? Didn't he know he was heading towards disaster? And why is the wife still there? Is money the only thing that is keeping her? Who knows?

  2. Aparna,
    thanks for stopping by.It really matters to me.
    Even I wonder why does his wife have to do the "standing by him" act in the hour of crisis which he invited so meticulously.