Wake up Mr. India

Kasam laptop ki ! I will speak truth and only truth that I have stopped eating chow mein , Kung pao  and every kind of Chinese food ever since my patriotic feelings are stirred  up by the Chinese government. Not only food , I openly avow to never make any attempt to learn Chinese language in my life time. I am even willing to apologize on national TV for having played Chinese checkers in my childhood.


 Right after the magnificent opening ceremony of Beijing Olympics , I got  this doubt that , its an  out and out  case of systematic and premeditated attempt to humiliate the Indians , it’s a strategy to demean us by our eastern neighbors that they organized and managed an immaculate ,and world’s most spectacular show .

It’s simple and clear for any true nation loving , self respecting Indian to see that China is trying to deprive us from our very old and almost legitimate sounding excuse that “ huge population is our problem”.

The Chinese are enthusiastically proving to the world that population is their strength. They offered 3 times more than required volunteers to assist the sport’s people in Beijing games   (actually its our very own desi idea which they nicked from Bollywood dances , where along with the hero and heroin we use about 100 more dancers in the background who  witness the wooing the gal by hero or professing of his love , as the case may be ) . Bollywood does it purely to generate employment for people who are hugely skilled in pelvic thrusts and poker expressions. But, look at the audacity of our neighbours ! they used the borrowed idea( of using more than required people , not the pelvic dancing ) to manage a world class event .These thousand of volunteers had enrolled themselves two years before the D date ie 08/08/08 and were practicising their role in the whole show without any remuneration promised to them . They produced a huge army of volunteers to assist the visitors and run the show smoothly . We are a nation of only 1.18 billion people whereas China's population is 1.3 billion .Isn't it unfair to be judged  on a standard set by a country whose population is so very high as compared to ours? Kalmadiji , relax ! nobody is going to ask you to outperform China , afterall we are such a small country before China.
Not only this , they are using their huge population in every  production industry conceivable ,making labour cheap, making their products cheap on a huge scale , flooding them across the Global markets . So what ‘s so great about it ? I challenge them to show even half of this production rate with having one Mamta Banerjee around .

I know , I know that Chinese meteorological division and scientists together dispelled the clouds around Beijing so that the rain God will not shower its unsolicited blessings on the “Bird’s nest” stadium during the opening ceremony on 08.08.08 ,but so what ? Are we also not trying to dispel Dengue and encephalitis causing mozzies from around Delhi , in the wake of Common wealth Games.

We are a democracy and they are not .It gives them a freedom to crack down on people who produced melamine contaminated milk and have them hanged within 6 months of trial. Theirs is authoritarian Government , the decisions of suing people fast and prompt never haunts them in future, they have the luxury to move on ; but just imagine if we did the same thing with people who are very innovatively making synthetic milk with skimmed milk powder, urea, refined oil, detergents, caustic soda and vanaspati ghee .We would be having a national debate on parliaments, courts, TV channels, roadsides, drawing rooms and café coffee days whether it is humanitarian to hang people to death , so what if they are playing with the health of children of our nation . Forget hanging these guys , do we even have the freedom to hang Ajmal Kasab without bothering about the consequences ? So isn't this  plainly unfair  that  a democratic nation  be compared to an authoritarian regime?

When 8 chinese tourists are hijacked and killed in Philippines by an irate and insane (suspended ) phillipino police officer , the Chinese Government puts so much of pressure on Phillipino Government that a delegation  from there goes to meet the Chinese Government and accepts openly that commando operation to rescue the tourists  was botched up . China  could do it because they have been very consistent in their policy to show to the world and importantly to their own people that Government cares for them . What did we do when terrorists entered our very own Country and killed more than two hundred people on july 26th 2008 ? Our Government is still sending dossiers across the border to convince the perpetrators of violence, and people of  Mumbai  don’t even turned out to vote .

The chinese dragon has woken up from its sleep and is there on the track running a marathon  race but Indian tiger is still sitting in the audience seat and watching it run . we are doing “shahamrugasan” also known as ostrich pose , putting the neck in the ground and saying “all eez well” .

India and me

  Its summer vacation here in Gulf.July- August are the peak summer months here. We visited India last month after about one year and, very much like how an indulgent mom would observe her son  seeing him after a  long time ,I observed my own country. I travelled , I visited people  , I frequented "sarkari offices" ,took son for  a root  canal treatment (  Its an official  middle class idea of fun activity  when on  a vacation to home) .
Everytime I had an exclusively Indian experience , all I thought was of blogging about it ,again much like as if your best friend has a strand of spinach stuck between  her two  front teeth  and whenever she smiles at you , all you notice is the green thing stuck between her teeth.
To begin with , I travelled from Bhopal to Indore in an intercity train in second class( I have  already confessed to  the middle class mentality) , its a 4 hour journey , we 3 (My two sons and I) were packed on a bench and opposite to us was a family of 4 travelling with a Jain monk who was  clad in white . The Jain Sadhu was really very friendly and inquisitive , much to my surprise. He strangely reminded me of  a character in Gita Mehta's story in  her book "River Sutra" in which a rich man's only son , finding life too frivolous ,decides to be a monk and thus leaves his family .Many years down the lane he  is recounting  his story to the narrater and all of a  sudden he  gets up and says " I must be get going ,my fellow monks must be waiting for me to join them in the journey  ahead , I have lost my family once and don't want to lose it again." These are the last words of the story which I  just can't forget .
I visited my grandmom who is extremely ill and  completely invalid but mentally equally alert . This makes life difficult for her and for others too, who are serving her . My Mom is constantly worried about her and I am worried about my mom  .I don't know if my granny  is dodging the death or vice versa ? Life can  sometimes be so painful to bear.

We went for  a picnic to "Bheem baithka" , a site 45 kms from Bhopal , its a world heritage site declared by UNESCO ,which  covers around 700 caves .these rock shelters (caves) housed early men of differnt civilisations  for nearly 100,000 years and paintings found here are as old as 9000 years .

It was drizzling only kittens and pups  the whole day as if rain God was sprinkiling rose water on us gently . walking on wet road , listening to the ruffling of leaves and water droplets falling on the huge leaves  on both the sides of the road made the whole excursion  a great experience .Its strange that no information  is written anywhere around ,given the importance of the place , nor any serious tourists or visitors were  to be found .All I could spot were some college boys and girls on motorcycles having a good time on  reasonably secluded roads .

Oh ! don't you  think that I am an old auntyji objecting to young people enjoying their freedom but you see ji  times are so bad , you can't trust anyone  thesedays ...........  moreover we never used to roam about like this  in our times.  Here are two paintings .

My father in law reloacted to Indore recently and started staying in a rented house . The landlady  staying upstairs thought  that she had rented the huge house to a single old man but was suitably bugged to see the 4 of us + my brother in law  as the unforseen residents moving in there  the same month . She was too upset by the amount of water we consumed and was so completely outraged that stopped the water supply for complete 24 hours. I was sent as a goodwill ambassador to pacify her , I  talked to her gently( and meekly ) and told her that  we were to leave the place soon but she was not to be  pacified and summonned us to vacate the house at once. The agenda of our vacation suddenly shifted from helping FIL to settle down in Indore to resettle him somewhere  else in Indore. Indian landlord's attitude , possesiveness about their house, water scarcity  makes a formidable combination .

 There is much more to it , shall write about it some time again.

Till then , take care  and save water .

8 Simple rules for marrying my daughter

When I was to get married , my Mom advised me "do not get married to a drunkard , if you want to have a sober husband" . I kept this advice in mind .........Okay, okay, who am I kidding? My Mom being an Indian to the core did never advice me anything about whom to marry or not marry or if married to a wrong guy what to do etc. because in Indian set up, a Mom telling a girl , what to look for in a prospective husband is feared to be construed as a green signal given to the daughter to go ahead and choose a husband for herself . This is believed as a seriously wrong move , very unbecoming of an Indian mom.

But, may be our Indian Mom's should have a list of Don'ts as far as “choosing a man” for their daughters ,even if they cannot dream of issuing a list of Dos, in the interest of their daughter's survival .
For example , if you are a mother in a village in Haryana who has birthed a female child and the girl is miraculously allowed to survive up to marriageable age , you should tell your daughter to not to contemplate marrying a boy from same "gotra" from the same village . When the khap panchayat wants to play the hindi film villain Pran by saying "yeh shadi nahi ho sakti..." , the little girl should not spoil the climax of the movie by
getting married to the boy from same gotra and thus ruffling the delicate fur of our caste based social system. Let the movers and shakers of Khaps have their way........in the interest of her own life.

A mother of a marriageable girl who is either studying or working in another city should seriously warn the girl to be wary of a boy who first proposes her , makes her pregnant , does not instill the confidence in her so that she can share the news with him .This can be suicidal and if the girl does not choose to commit suicide , somebody in the family will have to take the trouble of "saving the honour" of the family. Therefore it's in the best interest of the girl to know that her family might choose cold cells of prison over the warmth of a hug of an unwed mother.

There is one more must have advice for the daughters (hostlers or otherwise), to not to choose a guy whose over-possessiveness gives a semblance of his disproportionate love for her. For all she knows, on a slightest suspicion of her disloyalty, he might stab her to death in her sleep, or if he is kind hearted , he may just throw acid on her face. ref: here. Mothers need to forewarn the girls against such dangers.

Indian mothers need to be more communicative about the serious concern of their daughters picking a guy for themselves. When a daughter chooses a guy (right or wrong) , she is more often than not overstepping her role of a Barbie doll in the family .And , its absolutely mandatory for the mother to tell the daughter , if the danger seems to be lurking more in her family than anywhere else , i.e. if the father is a big shot in the society , a businessman or a politician who has got used to getting his way , whatever the cost ,who has been keeping a company of supari killers as pals and who thinks its his and only his prerogative to find a match for his daughter .The girl should be taught to understand every part of NO ,so that she can see the light of the day , even if it is in the company of another guy who her father has chosen  for her.

Last but not the least , If you happen to be a mother from Hyderabad whose daughter chooses to marry a techno savvy but forgetful guy who wants to marry your daughter over a telephone or FB , you should vehemently opposes such move , as there is always a danger that guy suffering from amnesia will conviniently forget your daughter and choose another one from the same city thus causing you and your daughter lot of pain and agony. However, in the end the guy may generously agree to give divorce to his wife despite the fact that he does not even remember having married her once.

So, Mothers of daughters beware! Educate your daughters (not only BA, MA, Journalism, BE from IIT)  about life, people and about danger of being in a man's world.

Lord God made them all !

Lord God was  definitely not feeling  at his best  when He decided to make these people .Infact if you allow me to be more vehement , it all happened when  God was actually in one of his foulest moods that He looked  from the sky  on the Earth , saw too much of love , happiness in abundance and cheerfulness all pervasive and , finding it a bit too cloying for his liking that He decided to cut up these people whom  I call CUT ie Constantly Unhappy Types   .God went to the lab , mixed a few potions some of which were lying unused there for  a long time ,concocted a formula ,injected it into his first prototype and  went upon testing it.
Just when  the  God was still taking readings, the first CUT complained "but God , why  the rainbow here doesn't have very defined colours? See , the blue and indigo are all mixed up".I reckon , this must be the first official complaint  registered by anybody to the GOD's good office  .Ever since , generations and generations  of these CUT are on their job of  wailing , complaining , cussing , whining , getting annoyed and irritated..........and all with  great gusto and fervor.
 These people are most unhappy to be happy . All  they want from life is unhappiness and  when they find it ,and they do find it, they are the most happily unhappy people .
When they receive a love letter , they are upset because the paper was dog eared .
when they are on their  honeymoon , they sulk about not getting a window seat  in flight.
When  their wife cooks excellent food , they are unhappy that she doesn't know French .
When people  congratulate them about owning a good house, they think of their neighbour's unkempt lawns and  how it detracts the beauty of their house and get annoyed.
When they present their wife a blue dress and a red dress , and she chooses to wear one of them to please the husband , The CUT husband promptly gets annoyed that she didn't like the other one.
when their grand children visit them , instead of enjoying their company such people are anxious that kids will leave the lights and Ac's on and  taps half closed .
while it could be a subject of research for the social scientists and even pschycologists to find the reason behind the obsession for  perpetual unhappiness ,I feel and strongly so, that  the CUT are scared of being happy .By making other people responsible for their unhappiness they play a victim .They seek attention by complaining and sulking  and would  feel insecured if they had to  admit that their unhappiness was their matter and others had nothing to do with it .This  would not only deprive them of   extra attention but also of an excuse for the failures.
The CUT also characteristically feel that their voice be taken as a Voice of Customer which  means every grievance be  validated and  action be taken .Whether  they speak in an active voice like "I told you and you didn't pay heed......" or in a passive voice like "this job should have been done by you ....." ; they can always be trusted  for being grumpy and complaining .
There is  a point to be noted here that CUT and the normal ( I do not have another better collective  noun for non CUT)people have only one thing in common ie the CUT look forward to complaints from others as much as non CUT do.
Here , I may sound like and also I intend to , that I am making it appear as if I am referring to men only when I am talking of CUT . In India , I have seen more men being CUT than women .
One of my friend's SIL who is a Pschyciatrists in US came to visit my friend in India, after about 10 years .Observing the men , their temper tantrums and demand for attention from family ,
She  went on exclaiming  to  my friend  throughout  her stay in India about every second man including her brother  there "I tell you -this man needs help".My friend explained to her that "while Americans are being overly sensitive about their people's emotional health ,they try to help these people ,they call them -people suffering from anger management issues , low self esteem issues and stuff like that but we Indian women very insensitively bundle these guys up in a single bracket and label them as men !. we don't seek treat ment for them , we have the remedy passed on to us by our mothers and that is -just bear and grin" .
I see all around  these CUT making life miserable for  the ones who try to remain cheerful and happy .The strength of Indian families lies with these cheerful and happy people .
The CUT continue to be standing at the centre of  the locus of their unhappiness yet imagine all others around them the cause of their murky mood . I know that happy ones have only two choices -1)( the traditional one )Bear and grin  and bear more and grin more     OR  2) to  stop making an  illusive attempt to make someone happy who is so commited to be unhappy.

PS- Mom, I hope you are not reading this.

Sania's wedding and my woes

I have been worried about Sonia Mirza eversince she has distributed Boxes of Mithais to the newswallas and announced her intent to get married to Shoaib Malik . She has  also made it clear that she is not making any political statement by getting married . Yeah ,ofcourse ! we are not  so naive to think that her marrying a Pakistani cricketer is anything  akin to "Aman ki asha " . Infact even if the entire cricket team of Pakistan gets married, irrespective of their previous marriage resume',to the  women's wrestling team of India ( please  do not read it as a  malafied intention against Pakistani cricket team , the  harmless suggestion of  women's wrestling team was made for the want of sufficient number of eligible marriagable  women tennis players in India ) there will not be an iota of change in the India pakistan  relations.
Infact , the very expectation of this marriage patching up tensed Indo Pak relations is like expecting  Zandu Balm to cure the third stage cancer in the body. Right now , the mood of both the nations is not to have any diplomatic dialogue  , ofcourse other than our Foreign minister Mr.  S.M. Krishna and home minister Mr. P. Chidambaram.Even   Pakistani  foreign minister Mr.Shah Mahmood Qureshi  said "I am  not interested in any photo op with Indian Foreign ministry  " .In  the prevalent cynical mood of both the countries , this ensuing Nikah should have brought about  some kind of mood elation  if not  exactly euphoria  but unfortunately , so far what all it has  brought  about is  only  skeletons from the cupboard.
It's neither the fact that she is getting married to a pakistani nor whether she will play for India or Pakistan  that I am worried  about( Given, her performance of last 2 years  , I don't think India will lose too much or Pakistan will gain too much  whether she palys from here or there).  But ,I would have been equally worried about her happiness , had she been marrying someone from Burkinafaso and her wedding reception had not been in Lahore but Ugadaodao  because  of the kind of  signals we are getting  from her Inlaws family .My gut feeling says "all  eez not well".How can be I be sanguine when .....
Her brother in law says that "she is allowed to play after marriage" and
 her mother in law says "I do not like her skimpy clothes and her mingling with other guys". 
You see , If I had  to be allowed by my brother in law to do something which I have been doing all along or my mother in law were  to attend my wedding with a black band on her arm , I would have thought twice before getting married .
The innocent Sania declared that she would continue to support India in a cricket match and would cheer her husband when he will play for his country . I find an innate problem in this seemingly simple solution that
Sania will  find win win situation in a India pakistan cricket  match only when - her husband plays very well and despite that India wins . Now, this  match dynamics is very precarious and finding happiness  while watching cricket seems to be in doldrums to me.
If Ayesha (Shoiab's ex ) has to be believed , she told the media that he kept telling her that he was embrassed of her being fat and insisted on her losing  weight and attain 58 kg mark . Boy, this expectation is so completely outrageous ! I am worried about Sania as the   upper limit of her weight has already been fixed and whether she would be able to do this tight rope walk and will remain well within her prescribed limits?
With my experience of being married for nearly 18 years ,I want to tell Sania what I tell to all my cousins and nieces and nephews that -
Too many expectations can mar the bliss of a marriage  .          
It's better to have your expectations according to your spouse than to have your spouse according to your expectations.        

Children Of Heaven

Yesterday , there was a screening of movie "Children of Heaven" In ISC (India Social Centre).
Since I had seen the review of the movie a few months  back on NDTV by Anupama Chopra ,who had highly recommended the movie for young and adult alike , I decided to shrug off my laziness and take Pax (younger son -6 years) to ISC Abu Dhabi.
The bag was packed with Lays, Juices and cookies . I briefed him about the movie , so that he is not disappointed by a  simple sensible movie ( He is more used to watching eye catching colourful animations and little bit of  english and hindi  movies for kids).

Set in 1979and directed by Iranian Director Majid Majidi, movie is about a poor Iranian family's two out of three children , their bond , their understanding  of deprivation  and display of  maturity and innocense simultaneously .

The first scene starts with the boy getting  a   pair of already very  old  and  battered pink shoes   mended from a cobbler , which belong to the younger sister. While running other errands ,on the way back home, he loses them.

The younger sister is in a fix, how would she go to school without shoes? and if she tells the parents , both the kids were to get the beatings , for sure. They come out with a simple solution , sister would wear brother's shoes in the morning shift and brother would wear them in the noon shift of his school.

There are atleast 10 scenes in the movie where the little girl runs half way to home after school where she finds brother waiting impatiently to exchange his slippers to the shoes, lest he would be late for his school and run with all his might to his school.The children running zigzag through the alleys of the  village , gutters gushing with drain water  right in the middle of these labyrinth of alleys, unplastered dilapidated houses , simple make shift shops on the way make the whole atmosphere so realistic that I unknowingly got transported into the small town .

Picturisation of movie is very subtle but conveys a child's mind so well . The little girl's obsession for shoes,the boy's guilt for having lost shoes and gratitude toward sister for her keeping it a secret from parents gets conveyed completely.

And then there are those moments when a shoe slips off her foot and falls down in the gutter  or, once they wash the shoes and keep it for drying and it starts raining in the night;  all these moments show how difficult the seemingly small problem can become for a child.

The scenes inside the house are like a window to the Iranian culture and its household life.The carpeted one room  furniture less house, a common open place in front of a high walled row houses with a  common water tank and  washing place are  all  very typical of their village life style.

Its a very well cast movie. The kids are absolutely adorable , despite being in  ragged clothes, no make up looks , they are totally real kids .Kids this real in Bollywood movies can be  very hard to find.Father looks tired , affectionate, at times irritated and above all , just like anybody from the neighbourhood.

In the end , the boy runs a 4 KM race and aspires to be in the third position , as the prize for third position is a pair of sneakers.He runs really hard and comes first but still in tears .........

I got so involved in the movie that I was getting nervous if the boy would eventually win or not.And there is one of those last scenes where father after shopping  things for kids is  coming home, needless to say that there are shoes stuffed  in the basket stuck on the carrier of his cycle.(what a happy ending!).

(I actually felt wanting for one more last  scene when kids could hold their new shoes in their hands and had smiled back at us.)

Guys (parents) there is much more in the movie than what I have mentioned here so if you get a chance ,please do not miss it. I was thinking that deprivation is something very hard to understand and impossible to relate to, if kids have not faced it in their lives but Pax was all  eyes glued on the screen .He had to be explained many scenes, since the movie is in Persian with english subtitles and he as yet cannot read very fluently,but he was there understanding the children's struggle wholeheartedly.Pax , just like the hero himself ,wanted him to come third in the race and was all set to clap at the finish of the race.

This simple , low budget movie has a lot to tell . Pax did not take out a single biscuit or chips from his sack through out the movie , which tells a lot about how impactful a movie can get if the Director is commited and clear about  what he  wants to show and nothing more than that (for the sake of covering taste of large audience).

We enjoyed every bit of the movie and thought of sharing it with you.

PS- The movie has acclaimed 3 awards at-Montreal film festival, Newport film festival and Singapore film festival.

MY Driving Lessons

I learnt driving car about 8 years ago.I learnt it the hardest way possible as,

1)It was my husband's car , it was brand new and .....I was no more new ( I hope you understand the subtleness).
2) My eldest son was   6  years old at that time and had become articulate enough to opine about my driving skills.
Looking to the circumstances I was not very eager to learn driving at first but since we were staying in a township then and those who have experienced township life would know that things happen en-masse in a township and on  an epidemic proportion.
Most of the employees go to their factory/plant at the same time,punch together  at the time office , their kids go for karate class on Monday , Tuesday and Friday together and  go for Synthesiser class on Tuesday, thursday and Saturday together.Their wives  meet on bus stop to wave byes to their school going kids together and meet for a kitty party in the noon together. That's   about everything   of township life.
So, it was now the onset of a new epidemic in our township . All my freinds were learning to drive car.Every weekend I used to receive a phone call from one of my friends claiming that she had got her freedom of movement now.Losing a friend like this from the non driver's  end was not  a very good feeling.
A recently converted friend tried to convince me that  driving will be very useful to me as the college I was working in ,was far off and I could drive to college myself instead of depending upon the bus service.She also told me that now whenever her son misses the school bus she goes to drop him to school without having to plead her husband to drop the son to school first .I can't say which prospect , former or latter , enticed me more but I finally decided to learn driving inspite of all odds against me.
I declared to husband that I wanted to learn driving .Since driving institute guy would not be available by the time I came back from work, it was incumbent upon my husband to teach me  to drive.
The tumultous journey began on the following evening.The Standard Operating Procedure  (SOP) was decided.
Husband : seatbelt
Me         : yes
Husband : left foot on clutch , right on accelerator
Me         : yes
husband   : steering wheel straight , do not  hold very tight
Me          : OK
Husband : ignition
Me          :vroom vroom( I would key in )
Husband : Now , press the clutch , take the car in first gear ,pull the foot off  the clutch and apply accelerator gently
Me         :  (confused inwardly ) yes  yes.

Here was the glitch as my right foot had a mind of its own . My right foot just could not apply enough acceleration  and as a result the engine would cough and sputter ,the car would take a small jump and stop.   It happened about 10-15 times and my husband who was committed to try to be patient gave up.apparently it was a case of "failure to launch".
Although so far there had been no success in driving the car ,I had atleast been able to drive him crazy.
 Husband : you can not learn it (in this life)
Me          : let me give it one more try
Husband  : OK , one last time .give good acceleration
again we went through the drill of SOP
and,I actually accelerated this time  .The Car was jumping and moving and jumping and moving (I was thrilled that it did budge finally) but Husband was wild ,"Oh God! you have applied third gear instead of first , that's why its knocking". I learnt an important technical word from driving jargon that when car jumps and moves forward , its called "knocking".Husband was obviously less than amused about the progress made about my practical as well as  theoritical learning.
Next day , as  luck would have it , my brother(elder) came to visit us.Now , our domestic driving school had 3 male instructors (one in command , 2 on back seat driving ie my brother and my son) and poor me on the hot driving seat. The driving endevour began ............ I could now start the car alright, take it into first gear and go.Its only while shifting it into second gear  there was some problem.I  could not put my foot off the accelerator while putting it in second gear . "you will spoil the gears of my car"he screamed.
Me: your car! OK , now I wash my hands off your car. I am not learning .
Brother on the back seat ,who was all the while joining the instructor brigade ,came forward to pacify me.
Suddenly husband brightened up and said"why don't you choose whom you would learn the driving from , me or your brother?" I was speechless .How would I to make a choice between a     sty and conjunctivities? They both irritate and cause tears. Anyway the baton was passed on to my brother the next day and , it need not be mentioned he was not only harsh and impatient , he was ridiculing me too .He was  settling his previous score with me.( I still suspect that he was doing it all this just to make things even with me  because as a child I always went to Mom and backbited against him).
Brother: you should have been  staying in US .
Me    : Why?
Bro    : because you drive on the right side of the road and you need  a vehicle with automated gear so that     there is no need of manual changing of gears.
Me    : have patience with me , I am only learning
Bro    : How long will you keep your status as a  learner? someday you will  have to declare that you have learnt.
Me     :( brooding ) hmmmm
Slowly and slowly I started driving the car , independently . Husband was still issuing instructions, finding faults ,criticising   my reflexes but I was beyond  any   dissuasion.
Even Sonny boy would sometimes  ask
son: mommy is the car in first gear? .
Me: why do you ask?
Son : I thought so because you are driving pain fully slow.
Me : Shut up or get down.
Son : Ok. let me get down.I want to reach fast .I would better walk.
Husband: ( he was kind enough to not  to say anything ,he just laughed)
Despite everything , it was a wonderful feeling to be able to drive , I felt like a fairy with a pair of wings (If you think this is too narcisstic then may be I was like a witch with a brand new broom).
In the early days of driving ,I even had dreams of driving past my friends,driving on highways , crowded places, maneouvering car in reverse gear with great skill.sometimes I used to get so stressed  in my sleep that I used to clinch my fists. I told this to my friend who was now driving on high ways regularly.
She said"You should not have learnt driving from  your husband or brother. they are the men who can wield power over you .This direct learning is actually bad for a beginner's confidance."

me       : then, what should have I done?
Friend  :You should have asked husband's brother , friend's husband or brother's friend to teach you to drive
  me    :  (Iwas clueless) so that.....?
Friend : Oh! don't you know, men can be wonderfully sweet and sensitive when they are dealing with a woman who is neither their wife nor a sister .They are the guys to be looked for when  patience and sensitivity is required.
me      : HMMMMM
Friend : I hope , I have driven the point home.
me      : absolutely.