kirti's take on life

wedding anniversary .

2012-01-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

I got up early , all excited , with an air of anticipation ,expecting incessant phone calls , mailbox flooded with congratulatory mails and smses saying all cute and funny things on having completed 20 years of married life. For some weird reason I was expecting the whole world to remember that it was my marriage anniversary today and was hoping that everyone I know would take its cognizance.

For the record , darling hubby did call up at 12 .00 midnight to wish ‘happy anniversary’ .He has never forgotten any important dates so far and that makes him qualify in the rare category of husband community who do not make obvious mistakes .

Early morning my brother called up , he talked about Lokpal bill , shared his kids’ antics while I all the while hoped that he would now congratulate me ,now would the C word come but all in vain .

I asked him - It's December you remember anything special?

Bro: yup. Christmas , year end, account closing time , my car’s insurance ……he would have gone on.

I had given up hope on he remembering on his own so I decided to be direct.

Me: its December 29th my wedding anniversary

Bro: oh yeah………I remember 20 years back ……29th you got married , 31st I rushed for Delhi for coaching.

This is the only thing he remembers about my marriage ? How self centered .

The C word was still not on its way .

Me: Do mom, dad remember?

Bro: I am not sure ,I will remind them though.

Me: wouldn’t you congratulate me ?

By this time , he had decided to be evil and …….a wet blanket and……. a spoil sport and was all set to pour cold water over my enthusiasm .

Bro: I will ask wifey to do that on our behalf. She looks after public relations in the family.

Me:Grrrrrrrrrr!

And he hung up . some time later I got an insipid Sms saying Congratulations but by then I had given up on bro atleast .

In the afternoon Mom called up . I complained and sulked .

Me: you did not remember that it was my wedding anniversary today , right?

Mom: Ofcourse we did . Just yesterday we were reminiscent of how it being the coldest day of the decades we had to make extraordinary arrangements for quilts and beddings for the guests .

(So even she had only such memories invoked .no special mention of my effort to make the marriage work , no C word and I was blaming brother for being self centered .I decided to go along with the flow of conversation in order to feel less frustrated)

Me: yeah…I remember . The previous to previous night I had put mehandi and because of severe cold the mehandi felt so chilling on hand and feet and there was a Bon fire in the backyard on the previous to previous night.

Mom: yeah and sooooo many relatives attended your wedding . almost everyone invited had come and dad had had a bad tooth ache . He wore dhoti despite my advice to wear coat and formals for wedding but he never listens to me………..And it was a two days wedding .These days nobody has it for 2 days.

OK. Now daddy wants to speak to you.

Dad: hello beta . our ashirvads to both of you .

Oh , I know my dad always speaks right things . He knows my feelings. He will never disappoint me . He is the best………….let hubby learn a few lessons from him on sensitivity ,it’s never too late.

The next thing will be Congratulations , I know.

Dad: Did S(hubby ) call up? Tell him I asked about him .

Me: yes dad , he did at 12 O Clock.

Dad: ask him not be awake till so late. How’s he doing there? We have received his PMI certificate and I have kept it securely .

Being thoroughly disappointed that nobody was interested to congratulate us or even as much as say ‘many happy returns ‘ even if in perfunctory way I now decided to call up people and tell on my own that it was our wedding anniversary today (as if they had won a chance to talk to me on phone ).

So , here are some snippets of conversations I had with family .

Cousin S : Hey didi , yr wedding anniversary today ? wow! We had so much fun on your wedding . It was the first wedding in family . We had so much of euphoria of buying new dresses, meeting up other cousins. So many relatives came and stayed with us .

Brotherin law: Gawd ! what a cold day it was. I was ferrying people to and fro all the day in my brand new car . what a trustworthy Fiat I had . You remember, due to biting cold many people did not turn up for the reception in the evening and we ended up having a tank full of Gulabjamuns.

I laughed away to glory remembering how my MIL was packing those Gulabjamuns for every guest taking leave and me and my BIL were keeping a count and tchtching the loss.

BIL: you remember , for days together we used to sit on steps and eat those gulabjamuns ,even when there were only floating pieces left in the syrup? What fun it was.

SIL: Hey yr wedding day I wore the orange saree . I have my so far the best photos taken in your wedding.

FIL: A gift of 4000/ sanctioned to you. 1000/for S and 3000/ for you.

Cousin A : my mom made me and my sis P wear similar shiny dresses and P had a big bandage on her head which she flaunted like a head gear .

Uncle B has had a memory loss recently so I told him ,it was my wedding anniversary today and it has been 20 years since I am married.

Uncle B: (accompanied with a roaring laughter) arrre wah! But are you counting ? was it so tough all these days?

Even I could not stop laughing the way he said . we both had a hearty laugh together.

Late in the night I told hubby about all these conversations and he laughed and said ,

So you called all these people on your own ?what were you expecting ? that you will be given a lifetime achievement award for putting up with me for 20 years .

I was speechless and then he said ‘our marriage is our matter , we owned it so well , people may have had stake in the wedding but never in our marriage so they will never be able to see it beyond wedding reception and glamour (did we have any?)’ .

Right, If he had been a drunkard or I had been a ‘main ghar chhod ke jaa rahi hoon types’(Please note the types of vices of men and women ,while a man has to be a drunkard to spoil the marriage ,women just have to threaten to leave and she qualifies for spoiling the marriage. Talk of hippocratic standards! ) then all these people would have pitched in and tried us to stay together but since there was never a chance of such emergency , our marriage reminded only this little to them .

I asked hubby what he remembered of our wedding day

Hubby : you were the simplest bride I had ever imagined . You could have even gone to college if you wanted, on our wedding day.

Me: that’s a huge huge exaggeration ,never heard of something so silly . How could it be possible , how could I go to college on our wedding day?

Hubby : yeah , right .It would not have been possible. We got married on Sunday.

PS-So, this is the documentation of some of the events of our wedding . It was quite a non glamorous , 2 days jamboree with hundreds of people from both the families attending and contributing a huge loss to the national income by being absent from work.And guys , while everyone around had lots of fun, me and my husband were just incidental in the whole scheme of things.

I conformed and I am guilty.

2011-11-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am so damn a conformist that I want to kick myself for this once again. Being a conformist , seeking approvals , pleasing people has been characteristically me but damn it ! I am not bringing an iota of change around me.
This Diwali was a very cozy affair for us. No invitations given , none accepted (in fact none received) being in a new city and my poor inclination for socialising .The only three people who visited me were my bhabhi's mom and sister and the sister's co-sister. The co sister lost her husband a few months back so they very thoughtfully brought her along so that she gets some change from her otherwise subdued mood. Everything went on well . we chatted , we laughed , we discussed kids , heard of old times when bhabhi's mom was a young bride .It was an all-women party . My GMIL( age 100 years and is hard of hearing ) , I and those three had a good time together. We were women from three different generations and were talking about the changes that have come in last century in a woman's life and her expectations from her family and expectations from her by her family . We all by and large agreed that things have changed for better.
It was time to say bye and just then GMIL suggested to give them haldi kumkum ( as is customary in traditional way). I don't offer haldi kumkum to anyone but mostly around festival times and when GMIL is around she insists on offering it to married women . Me being stupid me , cannot ignore what elderly people in the family suggest ( Mostly some innocuous though mostly illogical requests are made which I try to follow as my conflict avoiding mechanism like offer blouse piece to ladies visiting (matching be damned) bring red roses for God ,bring beetle nut , paan and some useless stuff to be given to ladies which I am sure would be lying in their fridge for days on) . I don't do it if not reminded but I invariably do it when old people insist upon, but for once I should have given her suggestion a neglect . Asa GMILmade suggestion the cosister immediately left and started wearing her sandles and lingered outside in Verandah , bhabhi's sister ofcourse was ill at ease like me while her mom and aji(GMIL) were looking at me with expectation that I would go in and bring haldi kumkum box .I felt the pressure and did not want to make it very obvious that I was avoiding it as bhabhi’s mom (who was a young widow herself) waited . Finally I gave haldi kumkum to the only Suvasini(whose husband is alive) among the three hastily .
The granny has been staying with us for more than 15 years now and is almost 100 years old , I do not expect her to make a change in her thinking and on top of it she is stone deaf and we have to engage in a lot of dumb charades in order to communicate with her . Bhabhi’s mom is from previous generation and comes from a very traditional background so she must have resigned to her fate and still attaches importance to haldi kumkum and stuff ( I remember last time when I visited her for brief time , I despite being in a great hurry , she took me to her DEV GHAR ( god’s room) and asked me to put haldi kumkum for myself(she is not entitled to put it on my forehead herself because she has lost her husband) .
This lady(C-S) who is still grieving her husband’s death , already learnt the dirty rules by which traditions go. She is intelligent enough to know that haldi kumkum offered or not is not a big deal but discrimination she will have to deal with is a reality and I feel she experienced it pretty early and may be in a bitter way.
And you know what I feel?I feel such TRADITIONS BE DAMNED and PEOPLE CONFORMING (be it wily nily)to such traditions be damned .
Guys! I plead guilty.

Karwa chouth

2011-10-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

Heey girlz!!! Wishing you a happy ‘karwa chouth’ today . I hope you all are fasting today , nirjala one otherwise the impact will be lost on God. If we fast without taking even water then we qualify in the ‘creamy layer’ of Godji’s list to be granted the supreme wish of ‘ getting the same husband in next 7 births’ . And God forbid , if you don’t fast today , you seriously run the risk of getting a super cool , romantic , non critical husband in your next birth and then …………..you will have to learn to adjust with him all over again .

Booking the same husband for next 7 births is such a convenient idea from our parent’s point of view . They need not search very hard a husband for their daughter, bait the guy with Alto , BMW or i10 , bribe Mom in law with gold because you see, its all lined up from the previous birth .All we have to do is not eat for one day , not drink any drinks whether soft , hard , wine , beer ( including water) and just buy a cheap plastic colander of any size to see the husband in the night once moon shows up on a beautiful sky .

For uninitiated ones , there is a ready help available on the movie Hum DIL De Chuke Sanam about what to do once husband is back from work and moon is back in business of awarding the project completion certificates . If you are old fashioned better watch Maine pyar kiya for reference and enjoy on screen help on how to do karwa chouth (KC)with full verve and follow the complete procedure but, let me caution you ahead that MPK being the older version of the two has a detailed procedure to follow and the knowledge of singing and dancing Bollywood numbers is an essential prerequisite here otherwise the spirit of KC will be lost. Call neighbours , cook huge amount of food , dance and jive away to glory .

I hope you remember the movie’DDLJ’ , even in this movie KC is shown to be observed and the female protagonist shows to the girls who are in love with one guy and engaged to be married to another ,a trick to dodge the final colander ceremony . This part of movie is particularly helpful to the girls of Hariyana falling under Khap syndicate .

‘K C’ is an idea which has women emancipation in its core . Only women have the previledge to book their husband for next seven births and the KC fast cannot be undone by any other equivalent fast by men. Poor husband is at the receiving end in this matter . I remember my previous neighbor who used to shunt her husband to market just to buy green chillies ( according to her dal cannot be made without chillies) , would make him hop and jump so that floor could be mopped clean , would take appointment with beautician before a ‘ KC’ and poor husband always said ‘ oh Dear ! please don’t make dal if chillies are not there I will eat rice with coke ‘ or ‘ Please let me sleep the whole morning until the house is cleaned up to your satisfaction’ but the fastidious wife would just ignore his pleas . Now on the KC day she used to shunt him on the terrace every year atleast 10 times to look for moon and give the confirmation so that she would also go on terrace for ‘colander ceremony’. Now , do you think the man had a choice in this matter to ask for a different wife in next janam …….No ! because fast precluded this option . Now all he could hope was that next janam they both would be black widow spiders and asa their marriage consummates , she would kill him .

In some parts of our country , on KC day wives are given gift , a saree or a jewelry post KC fast . This concept of buying a gift for wife is a very pure idea in which a very fair deal is struck between the spouses . women keep fast on just one day , deck up for their husband , serve them hand and foot ,suffer the unreasonable parents in law in just one life and in exchange receive a gift worth thousands of rupees every year in next 7 lives. Isn’t the secret of a happy married life lies in being fair with each other.

So , gals if you are not fasting ………………………the risk of getting an altogether sweet supportive husband in your next birth lies with you . Later on don’t blame that nobody told you about the adage "A known devil is better than an unknown friend".

My city –my life

2011-09-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

This is not the city I was born in , neither I studied here and hence no extra ordinary emotions attached to the place so it was very natural for me to observe the city , Indore , in a dim light . (also many of my husband's relatives stay here)

My early observation of the place was an extremely noisy city with equally unruly traffic ,poor roads , congestions on every major road. Of course the subsequent experiences made me see the brighter side too like people seem to have extra ordinary accommodation for all kind of unpredictable movement on roads . They may not be very courteous to people walking on roads but have super cool attitude towards animals walking /sitting on roads . Some of them ,I have actually seen with my own eyes ,while driving balance a mobile in one hand and virtually touch the forehead of cow in obeisance by another hand. Indorians instinctively know how to maneuver their way between potholes, cows, cyclists of maverick nature. It is one of those cities whose resident can most rightfully claim that –if you have been driving/riding a vehicle in Indore , you can very well drive anywhere in India.

Cows parked in the
middle of the road

caravan of camels on
the far left side

Early learning treats

( You can see a young Indori getting trained in riding on roads which is shared by animals)

Drivers world over consider honking rude but here ,in Indore , honking is an extremely polite way of informing people all around to just take a notice of your arrival. Its as benign as ringing a doorbell to inform the house owners of your arrival .Afterall vehicles can suddenly appear out of nowhere before you anytime , anywhere . Just yesterday a not so young man overtook my car from my left side.the guy had been honking to plead that I should give him a way to go ahead . Ofcourse , between the potholes on my right side and a hand cart slightly ahead of me I could not manage to allow him a go ahead , and out of sheer desperation he took his car on my left on the muddy lack of footpath side and managed to give me a furious look for some micro seconds .
Now , how many of us can manage to overtake a vehicle from left from a narrow space and simultaneously communicate the feeling of anger in those precise micro seconds of eye contact ? You have to be in regular practice of this kind of multitasking to be effective. Anyway , no hard feelings for the guy in question because men this expressive are hard to come by.

People here have very conspicuous penchant for huge cars of International brand . on the narrow roads you can be sure of having traffic jams every now and then with these elephantine vehicles cluttering the roads . But these Car owners of affluent background have to be appreciated for their wishful thinking that all the fellowmen sharing the same road have helicopters as their vehicle ( Vahan ) and in line with this wish they honk incessantly even during traffic jams and traffic signals showing stop sign. The vehicle right in front of you can move only if it had been a helicopter .

I have been inviting the rage of Indori drivers quite regularly eversince I have taken up driving here. the Tata- magic metador is a common public transport here and , Once a magician hooted me for my slow driving by asking me sarcastically “ are you promenading in a garden?” . On peak rush hour only these magicians have the required skill to drive fast and exhibit “ reverse Al Sita devi effect” i.e. break the ground and erupt all of a sudden on the road .

If you anytime have a chance to travel by these metadors you are sure to be touched by their magic touch which has only one prerequisite to board “ leave all your self respect at home” . they ask you to shift to fit in the fourth passenger of any size , they will definitely ask you to shift on a front seat next to driver to fit in a ladies ‘ Sawari’ if you happen to be a guy. They ask for exact change in advance otherwise suggest you not to board . If you are lucky to receive a change from them , say a fiver , rest assured it is one of the dirtiest one bandaged with cello tape .I even noticed a young man who was first moved from back to front and later in order to fit in 2 inseparable sisters ,was asked to leave .The conductor , a teenaged boy ,returned the money to this man who had travelled some distance already.What struck me most was –the guy did not even as much as protest . these magic vehicles can have such calming effect on even the brash youngsters . Their signature slogan is poor service@ Low cost .

white& green decorated thing is
the magical vehicle-
and NO! its not a boat

Guys , this is a city absurdly indulgent in food and the all time favourite here is “ pohe jalebi” which is available on every roadside shop , and mind it every second shop on roadside is an eatery . They even have 56 Dukan where all 56 shops are eateries which serve very sinfully delicious snacks making sure to lace your arteries with cholesterol and shooting your sugar level up by several notches with the exception of quite non oily yet delicious poha .and NO!, guilt of eating wrong is unheard of among Indorians .the sugary , tangy poha , decorated with boondi and sev is to be eaten to be believed .its kind of divine intervention by God that the youngsters of this city patronize the traditional “ poha jalebi “ as much as Dominos and Mac. The convenience of parking anywhere to get a plate of poha is uncomparable to the spotting a parking place in front of Dominos or mac . Parking is a non existent concept in Indore . You can park your huge vehicles anywhere and except vehicle pilfers nobody is gonna notice it , least being the traffic guys or cops of the city. The Cops in the city are very innocent and very indulgently ask the
citizens " do you think , your vehicle can get stolen? " . Guys! you dont believe me , right ? You think devil in me has taken better of me ........Oh yeah !!! then look at this

Noticed the question mark?????

Most of the traffic signals are treated like ‘ Sabji bhaji ‘ i.e. you eat them only if your Mom is watching . Overtaking is a passion of the city more so among the bikers in their early teen ages . Stopping for another vehicle , even if it is negotiating a curved precipice is very unbecoming of any Indori driver worth his salt. They honk their signature obligatory horn and overtake from left or right depending upon their convenience.Indori drivers are 'ambidrivextrous' in their own right. I always wonder what kind of perpetual hurry all the Indorians have and who are the people who linger and hang out for hours in front of all the eateries?

Please notice the young crowd on two wheelers , some of them are riding their vehicles even on footpath This city hardly has any space onroad for people walking . Here , you even visit your neighbours on scooter and some desperate guys and gals even prefer to go to bathroom in their house on scooter .walking is too impractical in Indore.
If my readers have any emotional connection with Indore and are incensed by my post which has pictures speaking louder than words , please wait !!!! I am in the process of collecting some real amazing pics of the city .
This post is just a curtain raiser and my way of dealing with the shock because before coming to Indore I was staying in a place which looked like this......

PS: I will soon post another set of photos if I start getting hate mails otherwise please consider this as my final opinion.

A mail to Ganeshji

2011-09-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Ganapatiji ,

I am writing this mail to you with the faith in you and your understanding of the basic human behaviour and an appreciation for individual difference , I know if you had no understanding of individualities of the people you wouldnot make all 102 crore Indians think different , look different , have different likings and tastes in life.

Ganapati bappa ,you know it only well that just like a seasonal cold I catch religious feelings only as long as you visit us for 5-6 days in a year . I dont enjoy the " mechanical " pooja and hence stay away from temples and holy places . I find the entire concept of idol worship with flowers , deep , dhup very non productive ( Little kids playing with dolls makes more sense to me than mature adults giving you bath , dress and deck you up ). Dont you feel like a " super sweet bahu of hindi serials bedecked with heavy chunk of jwellery?" . I have no objection to their belief in you eating 21 modaks everyday which I make for you and then eat a few of them myself without guilt.I am sure you are aware that I may not be a very strongly religious person but I have never denied your existence . You have only made me partially and seasonally religious so I guess , you cannot complain about it much .

I have a very valid logic to not to do any religious rituals all 365 days in a year is that , you are Omnipresent and wherever I keep my head or poke my nose , your holy feet perpetually touch them .
I dont beckon you every now and then but am thankful that you have responded to my prayers always.
you remember , the last time I summoned you was when I had been to a mall , some 3 km from home and suddenly panicked if I had switched off the gas under the cooker or no and then I asked you to switch off the gas and you obliged .
just yesterday when we were taking you for visarjana (immersion) , I forgot to take the prasad with us which is also to be immersed along with you as your provisions for journey . I know you would not mind it much considering the fact that wet curd rice anyway would not taste any good but I was extremely scared of kaka(Uncle) who would not have taken it very kindly for my floundering the tradition but you helpfully had him also forget it .
Ganapati bappa , lateral thinking is your signature style .Didn't you teach the world that Revolution around world(pradakshina) is meaningless what matters is having your parents at the centre of your life and have your life revolve around them . I just hope that you remind this simple fact to all those careless sons and daughters who leave their parents in lurch . I feel these people don't take you seriously and ignore your teachings because you have no nusance value . I have never heard anywhere that you got angry and punished someone . why don't you take a clue from your father who keeps his third eye as a deterrant. Everyone takes him so seriously.why do you have to behave like a traffic police who serves only the decorative purpose of the cross roads and traffic signals?
You know Godji , times have changed . when I was in school I was taught " cleanliness is next to Godliness " but now its the vice versa . have you observed that wherever the building owners stick your colourful pictures on the stairs , those stairs are clean and nobody spits paan there .
Ganeshji , last week we had so many pandals in my city keeping your idols and arranging different dance competetions and events on your name . Everywhere I observed that hardly anyone was keping company to you , it was only the DJs and dance shows which attracted the crowd . I hope you did not have any identity crisis on this issue.
Godji , times are changing , so is everyone . I hope you will be able to keep the pace with fast changing Indian attitudes towards our value system .
meanwhile , may I please ask you to keep all my countrymen safe and happy and honest .Noone in my country should sleep on an empty stomach .
Yeah I know , this comes under the purview of our Government but whats the point in asking them .
I have faith in you ! so I ask you!

Messing with toys ?

2011-03-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

I have been a teacher for more than 12 years now , and I have immense faith in various inspirational and coercing methods employed to motivate kids to learn. I have learnt that you can inspire kids to learn , motivate them , incentivize them to get them to learn ,even teach them per force to learn to an extent but you can not teach a kid to learn if he/she never feels the need to learn.

And here , I feel my rational was taking me towards the cynicism when I saw this ……………………..

It’s a simple harmless( plastic, no hard pieces , no choking hazards , all colours safe) play thing. A changing mat with necessary paraphernalia .

A play thing should either have a fun value or educational value (Its fun value is completely lost on me).With my limited experience of mothering two kids ,its beyond me to fathom how cleaning the butts of a ,however adorable baby ,can be a sheer fun experience .So I safely conclude that its an ,' simulating- experiential - educational toy' meant for little boys and girls so that they become highly efficient parents when grow up.

Now this could have been very handy if I had got such a thing before my first son was born . Because for good 3-4 days after the baby was born , I was pretending that it was my Mom’s “baby” .My Mom was doing everything for the baby and I was keeping company to her in her struggle to raise a baby after a gap of 25 years .I was disillusioned only when one day all my civil rights conscious family left me with the baby , home alone , to cast their votes for some election .The angelic baby here took a chance and soiled his nappy . With a "natural performer "in my lap , my first series of thoughts were ,

1 . Should I wait till Mom comes home ?

2. Why did Mom have to leave me alone ?

3. Why did this fellow have to choose this time to perform ?

And then I had my moment of realization ……….A great deal of mothering is about cleaning the mess which children make .
I ofcourse subsequently learnt to change diapers , clean the mess and all that ………. but My husband, an otherwise super cool dad had “specific learning disability” in this matter . It took him good 8 years( only when the second son was born) to learn to change the diapers of a baby .Until then he owned only the face and upper torso of the first son. He was good at carrying the baby ,feeding him , giggling , tickling , throwing the baby in air ,bathing the baby etc but cleaning time ........"not my BABY!!!!"

I wish his Mother had introduced him to this super helpful play -thing in his childhood then he would not have been a bundle of nerves at "changing times"of baby .

Anyways ,I take this opportunity to thank and felicitate -

all the marketing guys , product designers, innovators and their likes of Toy industry for coming out
with such a novel “non gender specific ” toy which would help the coming generations to become highly enabled and empowered parents .

In fact I have suddenly developed a lot of respect for these young and enthusiastic “think tanks” who believe that you can teach anything and everything to anyone if you are able to motivate or interest them. These guys are undeterred by the fact that some learning depends upon the need of the learner too .

But , I do seriously hope that these guys did some kind of market survey and made sure that there was such a demand from parents for this play thing before launching it in the market , because for some unknown reason , my neighbour has stopped talking to me ever since I gifted it to her 5 years old son on his Birth day last week .

Valentine's day special

2011-02-14T08:20:00.000-08:00

The Valentine’s Day seems to be an auspicious day to return to my blog. Not that I was staying away altogether , in fact I was regularly reading the blogs which I follow, but was somehow too preoccupied to think of writing my own .

So here I am logically inferring that love is not the labour lost after all .

A utilitarian person that I am , my husband has a hard time pleasing me . he knows I do not fancy too many dresses and accessories, roses are not for me , neither are diamonds for that matter .

What to buy me has always been a question which intrigues him on occasions which traditionally demand from a husband to shower some gift on his wife .

Now , it may apparently seem like a very welcome situation to some husbands , but trust me , its not . To keep me pleased and in good humour , he has to be good to me all the time ( that’s the catch) and not just one day but all 365 days a year . My poor man does not have the luxury to say anything unkind or harsh to me and make it up by roses . he has to be constantly nice to me . Isn’t it challenging?

So here I am professing my love to my valentine: “darling husband , I love you from the bottom of my heart . You are too sweet and nice to me ,although I may be a bit trying for your temperament at times ”

Since I believe in man woman equality , one may very well ask what is it that you gift to your husband on Valentine’s day ? and my answer is – He is a very undemanding person , so a bit of lip service is all that he is contend with .

So , here’s me wishing you all a very happy Valentine’s day .
May you all get your spouse’s credit card and his /her undivided attention on this day , and always.

From paperless to on paper marriage

2010-11-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time ...............
Suddenly our marriage of 16 years faced another challenge . It had to go on paper .

Why ?, because my husband got a job in Abu Dhabi and , to get a family visa the Govt of UAE acknowledges nothing less than a marriage certificate from India which is authenticated by a notary , ministry of external affairs followed by the embassy of UAE situated in Delhi .

All along we and Govt of India had blissfully accepted the ‘saptapadi’ and the priest’s undecipherable chanting as a proof of marriage. Trouble began when we wanted to have it converted into a proper documented, registered marriage. It called for visiting the secretariat building of Bhopal (the city where our marriage was solemnized and incidentally Monica Bedi and Abu Salem got their passports from ) ,anybody with some experience of visiting Government offices would know what kind of roller coaster ride we were heading for .

I started collecting the evidences of our wedding with the meticulousness of Sherlock Holmes. I started with the photographs in the album . Me and my husband in those photographs gave a faint doubt of resembling our own skimmed selves. Then came the invitation card ….. I rummaged through all the documents which were lying in peace in the house for a long time , after a thorough search I discovered a bundle of invitation cards which were left undistributed for the want of time (and for all those friends who went uninvited we had to host a small separate party back then ). This way the past mistake came in a good stead and I thanked God for disposing us to make mistake. Other documents were residence proof , birth certificate , passport size photographs, parent’s address proof , receipt of rent paid to the marriage hall and so on…… . I infact carried our voter’s card , children’s report card ,their immunization cards, for just in case .

So , we presented ourselves in the additional district magistrate’s office at the wee hours at 10 O clock . The clerk told us that Sahab was not expected anytime soon , he would not come before 12 O’Clock . We waited patiently . The clerk asked us the purpose of our visit , gauged its emergency, weighed our candidature , perused our documents and smiled –''guys you need to have an affidavit stating your address , age at the time of marriage, nationality etc.", he looked more than pleased to find something amiss in the papers . Now it made the case interesting for him. He directed us to one of his friend’s shop , a notary who was having a computerized typing kiosk nearby .This guy had all the related forms and formats in his PC.He even typed a certificate too, ready to be signed .Certain clerical jobs are outsourced in Government offices too . After we were back , the clerk again asked us to get the self addressed envelops and then , pay 2 challan of 10 Rs each in a bank . We again ran poll to post (office) and did the needful .

By this time magistrate sahab had reached office and was seated in his room . we were taken inside only to find that there were many others waiting there (no seats offered ) but not to get the marriage certificate, they were there either to get a new weapon’s license or renew it . Most of them looked as though they had a good use of weapons in their lives . Apparently , apart from registering marriages , sahab had to deal with weapons’ registrations and cases relating to its use and overuse . I could not help appreciating the sense of humor of Government department who treats marriage and arms registration at par. Sahab saw the form and accepted it in a perfunctory manner and asked us to reappear with witnesses not before 30 days. .

But meanwhile my husband had to join his new job and was not sure that he would get a leave so soon to come back to reappear and get the certificate. We asked the Sahab if it was possible to get a waiver of my husband’s presence on the second visit. After all we were married for 16 years , we had all relevant proofs , my husband was present there , my father in law and father came too , incidentally my father retired as a government official and so there were many Govt. officers who had attended our wedding and were willing to vouch for it (its taken as a valid proof for the registration of a marriage) it was just a formal certificate which was required but the Sahab would not budge and reiterated “husband and wife both have to be present otherwise -no certificate” .So finally my husband had to come again from Abudhabi for 2 days . we were given a fresh date,and my husband reached Bhopal after travelling for nearly 18 hours and we reappeared in the office of magistrate the same day .

Meanwhile my parents and father in law had received the notices that me and my husband intended getting our marriage of 16 years registered and if they had any objection to it . But contrary to the expectations of office of marriage registeration neither my father nor my father in law came running at the crucial moment of signing the paper to yell ......"ye shadi register nahi ho sakati " .

My husband was tired , stressed out , anxious to get the job done in one day and was as ill equipped to deal with his stress and had all the liberty of sulking before his wife as any Indian husband of 16 years could have . So , we were once again waiting in the office , felt neither romantic nor looked like two people in want of a marriage certificate. We infact looked more like the people waiting in advocate’s office filing a divorce suit. (come to think of it , getting a divorce was more age appropriate thing to do for us than getting a marriage certificate).Anyway….

Once again Sahab comes , we appear before him , he looks at us , we brief the case to him and he finally gives a verdict “since your police record has not reached from police station , you do not get a certificate” . I suffer a major blow and simultaneously think of my Mother in law who had agreed more readily to our marriage than this man .

I again try to reason with him , “but sir, we were given the date , he has come all the way from Abu Dhabi , its not our fault…….I am his wife , really , not his girlfriend…… , our documents are in place , I am genuinely married ,… see my mobile its such an old model , no girl friend would use that ……… see the 20 missed calls , all by him so that I call him back because its cheaper to call from India than UAE ……who would ask to do that to his girl friend ?”.

I think the last 2 arguments were really convincing , he kindly relented but, before signing the paper added “you see , this is the place where Monica Bedi and Abu Salem got their marriage registered and passport made , so we have got to be more careful thesedays.”

I agreed completely and apologized profusely for having chosen Bhopal as a place to get married where 5 years down the line Monica Bedi and Abu Salem were to get married.

A word of Advice to the prospective brides and grooms – do not get married in Bhopal or Delhi or Mumbai or Pune or Jhumari Tallaya or any big or small city in India, because you never know when an outlaw would also choose his in-laws from your city and you will face trouble having a genuine marriage certificate . Afterall , marriages may have been made in heaven but are registered in Government offices.

Wake up Mr. India

2010-08-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

Kasam laptop ki ! I will speak truth and only truth that I have stopped eating chow mein , Kung pao and every kind of Chinese food ever since my patriotic feelings are stirred up by the Chinese government. Not only food , I openly avow to never make any attempt to learn Chinese language in my life time. I am even willing to apologize on national TV for having played Chinese checkers in my childhood.

Right after the magnificent opening ceremony of Beijing Olympics , I got this doubt that , its an out and out case of systematic and premeditated attempt to humiliate the Indians , it’s a strategy to demean us by our eastern neighbors that they organized and managed an immaculate ,and world’s most spectacular show .

It’s simple and clear for any true nation loving , self respecting Indian to see that China is trying to deprive us from our very old and almost legitimate sounding excuse that “ huge population is our problem”.

The Chinese are enthusiastically proving to the world that population is their strength. They offered 3 times more than required volunteers to assist the sport’s people in Beijing games (actually its our very own desi idea which they nicked from Bollywood dances , where along with the hero and heroin we use about 100 more dancers in the background who witness the wooing the gal by hero or professing of his love , as the case may be ) . Bollywood does it purely to generate employment for people who are hugely skilled in pelvic thrusts and poker expressions. But, look at the audacity of our neighbours ! they used the borrowed idea( of using more than required people , not the pelvic dancing ) to manage a world class event .These thousand of volunteers had enrolled themselves two years before the D date ie 08/08/08 and were practicising their role in the whole show without any remuneration promised to them . They produced a huge army of volunteers to assist the visitors and run the show smoothly . We are a nation of only 1.18 billion people whereas China's population is 1.3 billion .Isn't it unfair to be judged on a standard set by a country whose population is so very high as compared to ours? Kalmadiji , relax ! nobody is going to ask you to outperform China , afterall we are such a small country before China.
Not only this , they are using their huge population in every production industry conceivable ,making labour cheap, making their products cheap on a huge scale , flooding them across the Global markets . So what ‘s so great about it ? I challenge them to show even half of this production rate with having one Mamta Banerjee around .

I know , I know that Chinese meteorological division and scientists together dispelled the clouds around Beijing so that the rain God will not shower its unsolicited blessings on the “Bird’s nest” stadium during the opening ceremony on 08.08.08 ,but so what ? Are we also not trying to dispel Dengue and encephalitis causing mozzies from around Delhi , in the wake of Common wealth Games.

We are a democracy and they are not .It gives them a freedom to crack down on people who produced melamine contaminated milk and have them hanged within 6 months of trial. Theirs is authoritarian Government , the decisions of suing people fast and prompt never haunts them in future, they have the luxury to move on ; but just imagine if we did the same thing with people who are very innovatively making synthetic milk with skimmed milk powder, urea, refined oil, detergents, caustic soda and vanaspati ghee .We would be having a national debate on parliaments, courts, TV channels, roadsides, drawing rooms and café coffee days whether it is humanitarian to hang people to death , so what if they are playing with the health of children of our nation . Forget hanging these guys , do we even have the freedom to hang Ajmal Kasab without bothering about the consequences ? So isn't this plainly unfair that a democratic nation be compared to an authoritarian regime?

When 8 chinese tourists are hijacked and killed in Philippines by an irate and insane (suspended ) phillipino police officer , the Chinese Government puts so much of pressure on Phillipino Government that a delegation from there goes to meet the Chinese Government and accepts openly that commando operation to rescue the tourists was botched up . China could do it because they have been very consistent in their policy to show to the world and importantly to their own people that Government cares for them . What did we do when terrorists entered our very own Country and killed more than two hundred people on july 26th 2008 ? Our Government is still sending dossiers across the border to convince the perpetrators of violence, and people of Mumbai don’t even turned out to vote .

The chinese dragon has woken up from its sleep and is there on the track running a marathon race but Indian tiger is still sitting in the audience seat and watching it run . we are doing “shahamrugasan” also known as ostrich pose , putting the neck in the ground and saying “all eez well” .

India and me

2010-08-19T13:47:00.000-07:00

Its summer vacation here in Gulf.July- August are the peak summer months here. We visited India last month after about one year and, very much like how an indulgent mom would observe her son seeing him after a long time ,I observed my own country. I travelled , I visited people , I frequented "sarkari offices" ,took son for a root canal treatment ( Its an official middle class idea of fun activity when on a vacation to home) .
Everytime I had an exclusively Indian experience , all I thought was of blogging about it ,again much like as if your best friend has a strand of spinach stuck between her two front teeth and whenever she smiles at you , all you notice is the green thing stuck between her teeth.
To begin with , I travelled from Bhopal to Indore in an intercity train in second class( I have already confessed to the middle class mentality) , its a 4 hour journey , we 3 (My two sons and I) were packed on a bench and opposite to us was a family of 4 travelling with a Jain monk who was clad in white . The Jain Sadhu was really very friendly and inquisitive , much to my surprise. He strangely reminded me of a character in Gita Mehta's story in her book "River Sutra" in which a rich man's only son , finding life too frivolous ,decides to be a monk and thus leaves his family .Many years down the lane he is recounting his story to the narrater and all of a sudden he gets up and says " I must be get going ,my fellow monks must be waiting for me to join them in the journey ahead , I have lost my family once and don't want to lose it again." These are the last words of the story which I just can't forget .
I visited my grandmom who is extremely ill and completely invalid but mentally equally alert . This makes life difficult for her and for others too, who are serving her . My Mom is constantly worried about her and I am worried about my mom .I don't know if my granny is dodging the death or vice versa ? Life can sometimes be so painful to bear.

We went for a picnic to "Bheem baithka" , a site 45 kms from Bhopal , its a world heritage site declared by UNESCO ,which covers around 700 caves .these rock shelters (caves) housed early men of differnt civilisations for nearly 100,000 years and paintings found here are as old as 9000 years .

It was drizzling only kittens and pups the whole day as if rain God was sprinkiling rose water on us gently . walking on wet road , listening to the ruffling of leaves and water droplets falling on the huge leaves on both the sides of the road made the whole excursion a great experience .Its strange that no information is written anywhere around ,given the importance of the place , nor any serious tourists or visitors were to be found .All I could spot were some college boys and girls on motorcycles having a good time on reasonably secluded roads .

Oh ! don't you think that I am an old auntyji objecting to young people enjoying their freedom but you see ji times are so bad , you can't trust anyone thesedays ........... ~~moreover we never used to roam about like this in our times.~~ Here are two paintings .

My father in law reloacted to Indore recently and started staying in a rented house . The landlady staying upstairs thought that she had rented the huge house to a single old man but was suitably bugged to see the 4 of us + my brother in law as the unforseen residents moving in there the same month . She was too upset by the amount of water we consumed and was so completely outraged that stopped the water supply for complete 24 hours. I was sent as a goodwill ambassador to pacify her , I talked to her gently( and meekly ) and told her that we were to leave the place soon but she was not to be pacified and summonned us to vacate the house at once. The agenda of our vacation suddenly shifted from helping FIL to settle down in Indore to resettle him somewhere else in Indore. Indian landlord's attitude , possesiveness about their house, water scarcity makes a formidable combination .

There is much more to it , shall write about it some time again.

Till then , take care and save water .

8 Simple rules for marrying my daughter

2010-05-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

When I was to get married , my Mom advised me "do not get married to a drunkard , if you want to have a sober husband" . I kept this advice in mind .........Okay, okay, who am I kidding? My Mom being an Indian to the core did never advice me anything about whom to marry or not marry or if married to a wrong guy what to do etc. because in Indian set up, a Mom telling a girl , what to look for in a prospective husband is feared to be construed as a green signal given to the daughter to go ahead and choose a husband for herself . This is believed as a seriously wrong move , very unbecoming of an Indian mom.

But, may be our Indian Mom's should have a list of Don'ts as far as “choosing a man” for their daughters ,even if they cannot dream of issuing a list of Dos, in the interest of their daughter's survival .
For example , if you are a mother in a village in Haryana who has birthed a female child and the girl is miraculously allowed to survive up to marriageable age , you should tell your daughter to not to contemplate marrying a boy from same "gotra" from the same village . When the khap panchayat wants to play the hindi film villain Pran by saying "yeh shadi nahi ho sakti..." , the little girl should not spoil the climax of the movie by
getting married to the boy from same gotra and thus ruffling the delicate fur of our caste based social system. Let the movers and shakers of Khaps have their way........in the interest of her own life.

A mother of a marriageable girl who is either studying or working in another city should seriously warn the girl to be wary of a boy who first proposes her , makes her pregnant , does not instill the confidence in her so that she can share the news with him .This can be suicidal and if the girl does not choose to commit suicide , somebody in the family will have to take the trouble of "saving the honour" of the family. Therefore it's in the best interest of the girl to know that her family might choose cold cells of prison over the warmth of a hug of an unwed mother.

There is one more must have advice for the daughters (hostlers or otherwise), to not to choose a guy whose over-possessiveness gives a semblance of his disproportionate love for her. For all she knows, on a slightest suspicion of her disloyalty, he might stab her to death in her sleep, or if he is kind hearted , he may just throw acid on her face. ref: here. Mothers need to forewarn the girls against such dangers.

Indian mothers need to be more communicative about the serious concern of their daughters picking a guy for themselves. When a daughter chooses a guy (right or wrong) , she is more often than not overstepping her role of a Barbie doll in the family .And , its absolutely mandatory for the mother to tell the daughter , if the danger seems to be lurking more in her family than anywhere else , i.e. if the father is a big shot in the society , a businessman or a politician who has got used to getting his way , whatever the cost ,who has been keeping a company of supari killers as pals and who thinks its his and only his prerogative to find a match for his daughter .The girl should be taught to understand every part of NO ,so that she can see the light of the day , even if it is in the company of another guy who her father has chosen for her.

Last but not the least , If you happen to be a mother from Hyderabad whose daughter chooses to marry a techno savvy but forgetful guy who wants to marry your daughter over a telephone or FB , you should vehemently opposes such move , as there is always a danger that guy suffering from amnesia will ~~conviniently~~ forget your daughter and choose another one from the same city thus causing you and your daughter lot of pain and agony. However, in the end the guy may generously agree to give divorce to his wife despite the fact that he does not even remember having married her once.

So, Mothers of daughters beware! Educate your daughters (not only BA, MA, Journalism, BE from IIT) about life, people and about danger of being in a man's world.

Lord God made them all !

2010-04-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

Lord God was definitely not feeling at his best when He decided to make these people .Infact if you allow me to be more vehement , it all happened when God was actually in one of his foulest moods that He looked  from the sky on the Earth , saw too much of love , happiness in abundance and cheerfulness all pervasive and , finding it a bit too cloying for his liking that He decided to cut up these people whom I call CUT ie Constantly Unhappy Types   .God went to the lab , mixed a few potions some of which were lying unused there for a long time ,concocted a formula ,injected it into his first prototype and went upon testing it.
Just when the God was still taking readings, the first CUT complained "but God , why the rainbow here doesn't have very defined colours? See , the blue and indigo are all mixed up".I reckon , this must be the first official complaint registered by anybody to the GOD's good office .Ever since , generations and generations of these CUT are on their job of wailing , complaining , cussing , whining , getting annoyed and irritated..........and all with great gusto and fervor.
These people are most unhappy to be happy . All they want from life is unhappiness and when they find it ,and they do find it, they are the most happily unhappy people .
When they receive a love letter , they are upset because the paper was dog eared .
when they are on their honeymoon , they sulk about not getting a window seat in flight.
When their wife cooks excellent food , they are unhappy that she doesn't know French .
When people congratulate them about owning a good house, they think of their neighbour's unkempt lawns and how it detracts the beauty of their house and get annoyed.
When they present their wife a blue dress and a red dress , and she chooses to wear one of them to please the husband , The CUT husband promptly gets annoyed that she didn't like the other one.
when their grand children visit them , instead of enjoying their company such people are anxious that kids will leave the lights and Ac's on and taps half closed .
while it could be a subject of research for the social scientists and even pschycologists to find the reason behind the obsession for perpetual unhappiness ,I feel and strongly so, that the CUT are scared of being happy .By making other people responsible for their unhappiness they play a victim .They seek attention by complaining and sulking and would feel insecured if they had to admit that their unhappiness was their matter and others had nothing to do with it .This would not only deprive them of extra attention but also of an excuse for the failures.
The CUT also characteristically feel that their voice be taken as a Voice of Customer which means every grievance be validated and action be taken .Whether they speak in an active voice like "I told you and you didn't pay heed......" or in a passive voice like "this job should have been done by you ....." ; they can always be trusted for being grumpy and complaining .
There is a point to be noted here that CUT and the normal ( I do not have another better collective noun for non CUT)people have only one thing in common ie the CUT look forward to complaints from others as much as non CUT do.
Here , I may sound like and also I intend to , that I am making it appear as if I am referring to men only when I am talking of CUT . In India , I have seen more men being CUT than women .
One of my friend's SIL who is a Pschyciatrists in US came to visit my friend in India, after about 10 years .Observing the men , their temper tantrums and demand for attention from family ,
She went on exclaiming to  my friend  throughout her stay in India about every second man including her brother there "I tell you -this man needs help".My friend explained to her that "while Americans are being overly sensitive about their people's emotional health ,they try to help these people ,they call them -people suffering from anger management issues , low self esteem issues and stuff like that but we Indian women very insensitively bundle these guys up in a single bracket and label them as men !. we don't seek treat ment for them , we have the remedy passed on to us by our mothers and that is -just bear and grin" .
I see all around these CUT making life miserable for the ones who try to remain cheerful and happy .The strength of Indian families lies with these cheerful and happy people .
The CUT continue to be standing at the centre of the locus of their unhappiness yet imagine all others around them the cause of their murky mood . I know that happy ones have only two choices -1)( the traditional one )Bear and grin and bear more and grin more     OR  2) to stop making an illusive attempt to make someone happy who is so commited to be unhappy.

PS- Mom, I hope you are not reading this.

Sania's wedding and my woes

2010-04-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

I have been worried about Sonia Mirza eversince she has distributed Boxes of Mithais to the newswallas and announced her intent to get married to Shoaib Malik . She has also made it clear that she is not making any political statement by getting married . Yeah ,ofcourse ! we are not so naive to think that her marrying a Pakistani cricketer is anything akin to "Aman ki asha " . Infact even if the entire cricket team of Pakistan gets married, irrespective of their previous marriage resume',to the women's wrestling team of India ( please do not read it as a malafied intention against Pakistani cricket team , the harmless suggestion of women's wrestling team was made for the want of sufficient number of eligible marriagable women tennis players in India ) there will not be an iota of change in the India pakistan relations.
Infact , the very expectation of this marriage patching up tensed Indo Pak relations is like expecting Zandu Balm to cure the third stage cancer in the body. Right now , the mood of both the nations is not to have any diplomatic dialogue  , ofcourse other than our Foreign minister Mr. S.M. Krishna and home minister Mr. P. Chidambaram.Even   Pakistani foreign minister Mr.Shah Mahmood Qureshi said "I am not interested in any photo op with Indian Foreign ministry  " .In the prevalent cynical mood of both the countries , this ensuing Nikah should have brought about some kind of mood elation if not exactly euphoria but unfortunately , so far what all it has brought about is only skeletons from the cupboard.
It's neither the fact that she is getting married to a pakistani nor whether she will play for India or Pakistan that I am worried  about( Given, her performance of last 2 years , I don't think India will lose too much or Pakistan will gain too much whether she palys from here or there). But ,I would have been equally worried about her happiness , had she been marrying someone from Burkinafaso and her wedding reception had not been in Lahore but Ugadaodao because of the kind of signals we are getting from her Inlaws family .My gut feeling says "all eez not well".How can be I be sanguine when .....
Her brother in law says that "she is allowed to play after marriage" and
her mother in law says "I do not like her skimpy clothes and her mingling with other guys".
You see , If I had to be allowed by my brother in law to do something which I have been doing all along or my mother in law were to attend my wedding with a black band on her arm , I would have thought twice before getting married .
The innocent Sania declared that she would continue to support India in a cricket match and would cheer her husband when he will play for his country . I find an innate problem in this seemingly simple solution that
Sania will find win win situation in a India pakistan cricket match only when - her husband plays very well and despite that India wins . Now, this match dynamics is very precarious and finding happiness while watching cricket seems to be in doldrums to me.
If Ayesha (Shoiab's ex ) has to be believed , she told the media that he kept telling her that he was embrassed of her being fat and insisted on her losing weight and attain 58 kg mark . Boy, this expectation is so completely outrageous ! I am worried about Sania as the upper limit of her weight has already been fixed and whether she would be able to do this tight rope walk and will remain well within her prescribed limits?
With my experience of being married for nearly 18 years ,I want to tell Sania what I tell to all my cousins and nieces and nephews that -
Too many expectations can mar the bliss of a marriage  .
It's better to have your expectations according to your spouse than to have your spouse according to your expectations.

Children Of Heaven

2010-03-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday , there was a screening of movie "Children of Heaven" In ISC (India Social Centre).
Since I had seen the review of the movie a few months back on NDTV by Anupama Chopra ,who had highly recommended the movie for young and adult alike , I decided to shrug off my laziness and take Pax (younger son -6 years) to ISC Abu Dhabi.
The bag was packed with Lays, Juices and cookies . I briefed him about the movie , so that he is not disappointed by a simple sensible movie ( He is more used to watching eye catching colourful animations and little bit of english and hindi movies for kids).

Set in 1979and directed by Iranian Director Majid Majidi, movie is about a poor Iranian family's two out of three children , their bond , their understanding of deprivation and display of maturity and innocense simultaneously .

The first scene starts with the boy getting a pair of already very old and battered pink shoes mended from a cobbler , which belong to the younger sister. While running other errands ,on the way back home, he loses them.

The younger sister is in a fix, how would she go to school without shoes? and if she tells the parents , both the kids were to get the beatings , for sure. They come out with a simple solution , sister would wear the shoes in the morning shift and brother would wear them in the noon shift of his school.

There are atleast 10 scenes in the movie where the little girl runs half way to home after school where she finds brother waiting impatiently to exchange his slippers to the shoes, lest he would be late for his school and run with all his might to his school.The children running zigzag through the alleys of the village , gutters gushing with drain water right in the middle of these labyrinth of alleys, unplastered dilapidated houses , simple make shift shops on the way make the whole atmosphere so realistic that I unknowingly got transported into the small town .

Picturisation of movie is very subtle but conveys a child's mind so well . The little girl's obsession for shoes,the boy's guilt for having lost shoes and gratitude toward sister for her keeping it a secret from parents gets conveyed completely.

And then there are those moments when a shoe slips off her foot and falls down in the gutter or, once they wash the shoes and keep it for drying and it starts raining in the night; all these moments show how difficult the seemingly small problem can become for a child.

The scenes inside the house are like a window to the Iranian culture and its household life.The carpeted one room furniture less house, a common open place in front of a high walled row houses with a common water tank and washing place are all very typical of their village life style.

Its a very well cast movie. The kids are absolutely adorable , despite being in ragged clothes, no make up looks , they are totally real kids .Kids this real in Bollywood movies can be very hard to find.Father looks tired , affectionate, at times irritated and above all , just like anybody from the neighbourhood.

In the end , the boy runs a 4 KM race and aspires to be in the third position , as the prize for third position is a pair of sneakers.He runs really hard and comes first but still in tears .........

I got so involved in the movie that I was getting nervous if the boy would eventually win or not.And there is one of those last scenes where father after shopping things for kids is coming home, needless to say that there are shoes stuffed in the basket stuck on the carrier of his cycle.(what a happy ending!).

(I actually felt wanting for one more last scene when kids could hold their new shoes in their hands and had smiled back at us.)

Guys (parents) there is much more in the movie than what I have mentioned here so if you get a chance ,please do not miss it. I was thinking that deprivation is something very hard to understand and impossible to relate to, if kids have not faced it in their lives but Pax was all eyes glued on the screen .He had to be explained many scenes, since the movie is in Persian with english subtitles and he as yet cannot read very fluently,but he was there understanding the children's struggle wholeheartedly.Pax , just like the hero himself ,wanted him to come third in the race and was all set to clap at the finish of the race.

This simple , low budget movie has a lot to tell . Pax did not take out a single biscuit or chips from his sack through out the movie , which tells a lot about how impactful a movie can get if the Director is commited and clear about what he wants to show and nothing more than that (for the sake of covering taste of large audience).

We enjoyed every bit of the movie and thought of sharing it with you.

PS- The movie has acclaimed 3 awards at-Montreal film festival, Newport film festival and Singapore film festival.

MY Driving Lessons

2010-03-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

I learnt driving car about 8 years ago.I learnt it the hardest way possible as,

1)It was my husband's car , it was brand new and .....I was no more new ( I hope you understand the subtleness).
2) My eldest son was   6 years old at that time and had become articulate enough to opine about my driving skills.
Looking to the circumstances I was not very eager to learn driving at first but since we were staying in a township then and those who have experienced township life would know that things happen en-masse in a township and on an epidemic proportion.
Most of the employees go to their factory/plant at the same time,punch together at the time office , their kids go for karate class on Monday , Tuesday and Friday together and go for Synthesiser class on Tuesday, thursday and Saturday together.Their wives meet on bus stop to wave byes to their school going kids together and meet for a kitty party in the noon together. That's   about everything   of township life.
So, it was now the onset of a new epidemic in our township . All my freinds were learning to drive car.Every weekend I used to receive a phone call from one of my friends claiming that she had got her freedom of movement now.Losing a friend like this from the non driver's end was not a very good feeling.
A recently converted friend tried to convince me that driving will be very useful to me as the college I was working in ,was far off and I could drive to college myself instead of depending upon the bus service.She also told me that now whenever her son misses the school bus she goes to drop him to school without having to plead her husband to drop the son to school first .I can't say which prospect , former or latter , enticed me more but I finally decided to learn driving inspite of all odds against me.
I declared to husband that I wanted to learn driving .Since driving institute guy would not be available by the time I came back from work, it was incumbent upon my husband to teach me to drive.
The tumultous journey began on the following evening.The Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) was decided.
Husband : seatbelt
Me         : yes
Husband : left foot on clutch , right on accelerator
Me        : yes
husband : steering wheel straight , do not hold very tight
Me          : OK
Husband : ignition
Me          :vroom vroom( I would key in )
Husband : Now , press the clutch , take the car in first gear ,pull the foot off the clutch and apply accelerator gently
Me         : (confused inwardly ) yes yes.

Here was the glitch as my right foot had a mind of its own . My right foot just could not apply enough acceleration and as a result the engine would cough and sputter ,the car would take a small jump and stop.   It happened about 10-15 times and my husband who was committed to ~~try to~~ be patient gave up.apparently it was a case of "failure to launch".
Although so far there had been no success in driving the car ,I had atleast been able to drive him crazy.
Husband : you can not learn it (in this life)
Me          : let me give it one more try
Husband : OK , one last time .give good acceleration
again we went through the drill of SOP
and,I actually accelerated this time  .The Car was jumping and moving and jumping and moving (I was thrilled that it did budge finally) but Husband was wild ,"Oh God! you have applied third gear instead of first , that's why its knocking". I learnt an important technical word from driving jargon that when car jumps and moves forward , its called "knocking".Husband was obviously less than amused about the progress made about my practical as well as theoritical learning.
Next day , as luck would have it , my brother(elder) came to visit us.Now , our domestic driving school had 3 male instructors (one in command , 2 on back seat ~~driving~~ ie my brother and my son) and poor me on the ~~hot~~ driving seat. The driving endevour began ............ I could now start the car alright, take it into first gear and go.Its only while shifting it into second gear there was some problem.I could not put my foot off the accelerator while putting it in second gear . "you will spoil the gears of my car"he screamed.
Me: your car! OK , now I wash my hands off your car. I am not learning .
Brother on the back seat ,who was all the while joining the instructor brigade ,came forward to pacify me.
Suddenly husband brightened up and said"why don't you choose whom you would learn the driving from , me or your brother?" I was speechless .How would I to make a choice between a     sty and conjunctivities? They both irritate and cause tears. Anyway the baton was passed on to my brother the next day and , it need not be mentioned he was not only harsh and impatient , he was ridiculing me too .He was settling his previous score with me.( I still suspect that he was doing it all this just to make things even with me because as a child I always went to Mom and backbited against him).
Brother: you should have been staying in US .
Me    : Why?
Bro    : because you drive on the right side of the road and you need a vehicle with automated gear so that     there is no need of manual changing of gears.
Me    : have patience with me , I am only learning
Bro    : How long will you keep your status as a learner? someday you will have to declare that you have learnt.
Me     :( brooding ) hmmmm
Slowly and slowly I started driving the car , independently . Husband was still issuing instructions, finding faults ,criticising   my reflexes but I was beyond any   dissuasion.
Even Sonny boy would sometimes ask
son: mommy is the car in first gear? .
Me: why do you ask?
Son : I thought so because you are driving pain fully slow.
Me : Shut up or get down.
Son : Ok. let me get down.I want to reach fast .I would better walk.
Husband: ( he was kind enough to not to say anything ,he just laughed)
Despite everything , it was a wonderful feeling to be able to drive , I felt like a fairy with a pair of wings (If you think this is too narcisstic then may be I was like a witch with a brand new broom).
In the early days of driving ,I even had dreams of driving past my friends,driving on highways , crowded places, maneouvering car in reverse gear with great skill.sometimes I used to get so stressed in my sleep that I used to clinch my fists. I told this to my friend who was now driving on high ways regularly.
She said"You should not have learnt driving from your husband or brother. they are the men who can wield power over you .This direct learning is actually bad for a beginner's confidance."

me       : then, what should have I done?
Friend :You should have asked husband's brother , friend's husband or brother's friend to teach you to drive
me    : (Iwas clueless) so that.....?
Friend : Oh! don't you know, men can be wonderfully sweet and sensitive when they are dealing with a woman who is neither their wife nor a sister .They are the guys to be looked for when patience and sensitivity is required.
me      : HMMMMM
Friend : I hope , I have driven the point home.
me      : absolutely.

A thought (full )of gifts

2010-03-08T04:37:00.000-08:00

I am loved abundantly , infact disproportionately , that's the reason I always get flooded with gifts. Even those gifts ,which I do not want .
I am gifted so many lipsticks by one of my cousins , over and over, for many years that I can easily cover the entire China wall with graffiti with these lipsticks.
I have a whole lot of decorative candles in store that will suffice entire Delhi to light up in case of a grid failure .
I even have bags and purses of various shapes and sizes , one of them is a bamboo weaved hand bag which cannot hold more than a folded news paper but can be an excellent penetrating device specially handy while travelling in a crowded bus.
A well meaning friend of mine gifted me with floating candles"these will decoarte the dinner table when you have a party at home"she said. Little does she know that when I have a party at home , I can barely find time to decorate myself in the time available between massive cooking and arrival of first guest . Dinner table would stand poor second here. Anyway, I thanked her and put this floating population of candles along with the permanent resident ones.
I have about half a dozen bangle boxes which I got as a gift in my wedding . Some practical and forsighted people had already invisaged that soon I would be yearning for many hands like Durga devi to churn out the lunches , dinners, fold clothes, roll chapatis ........and in case my wishes were granted , these bangle boxes would accomodate the extra bangles which I would need to wear in those supplementary hands.
I even have a whole lot of cookery books as gifts.Soon after marriage when I would have preffered being invited for dinners rather than cooking them,I only had these books to fend for myself.Obviously there were some people with fishy intentions among the invitees, who thought it better to teach me to fish rather than providing me with one. How I wish , reading receipes could make our stomachs fill.
And did I mention about the volume of crockery I have got which is sufficient to handle atleast a double century of fights between me and my husband just in case we fell short of words.
In case you are inclined to jump on a conclusion that I am complaining about receiving these not so useful gifts , No! not at all. I loved to receive all these gifts because they all convey the same meaning to me that I am loved , remembered and cared for. Its only the utilitarion me who keeps wondering what to do with these gifts.
I am a person very easy to go with. I did not mind it when my husband went to Hyderabad and, on my threatening him not to come back empty handed, bought me a very expensive set of "Bombay Dying "bed sheets.I am not so insensitive to not to understand that it's the feeling and thought behind it which is so important and not the gift per se. Ofcourse I would have been equally pleased if he had bought me pearls instead , but Bombay Dying bed sheets were also fine with me.
Next time , he bought me pearls(from Amritsar) but that's an entirely different story and his personal matter , my fighting and sulking about the colour of bedsheets has nothing to do with it. Afterall every husband gets smart with the passage of time , right ?

On The Pretext Of Women's Day -08.03.2010

2010-03-03T22:48:00.000-08:00

As I key in these words I am feeling a bit overwhelmed for the fact that when I was born ,or for that matter, all the women of my generation or previous generations were born in India atleast , their parents had never heard of sex determination tests , nor did they contemplate female infanticide the solution to the problem of having to raise one more unwanted girl in the family.

Ofcourse I was always given to beleive that my parents longed to have a girl child and when I was born their joy knew no bounds.I had no reason to doubt that yet as a little girl I always suspected a thin biasedness in their actions towards my elder brother.

When they thought it was a right age for my brother to learn cycling , he was bought a brand new cycle (men's cycle) ,he learnt cycling and so did I ,on the same cycle, but nobody ever thought of buying a girl's cycle for me .In those time parents did not buy books, cycles , toys seperately for each kid.These things used to be a shared property, even handed down to younger cousins later on .Despite this fact I always took this personally and thought it was partial of them to not to buy me a cycle. They always bought new dresses for me on every festival which made me feel very special as a girl and I took it as a celebration of girlhood to be able to receive gifts on Rakhee /bhai duj or get a new dress.

In the course of time I realised that when my brother planned to go for a movie , he was given money and was allowed without much hassle whereas I couldnot dream of any such adventure without having to answer a series of questions and any slight reason was enough to get a clear big No. To save myself from such disappointments I stopped getting into any such plan.I took it as a trade off , If I wanted to be pampered as a girl I had to give up my idea of fun to go out with friends for movies .

Similarly, One of my best friends, lets call her V , only sister of 3 brothers was raised with a sole focus , to teach her every skill which would make her an outstanding wife. Her father was the most indulgent father I have known .All her over protective brothers and father used to talk 24X7 was about giving her away to a prince charming(which they only were going to choose ofcourse) in the most grand weddding they could afford.My friend took this doting , a bit stifling albeit, in her stride.She would cook, stitch, knit ,weave the dreams of her wedding and feel thrilled.
She too, just like me, took this whole game plan as a trade off.If she was to be loved so profusely she had to give up certain freedom  in her life.

Me and my frined V were the two examples of daughters who were wanted and welcome in the family but , I knew many of my friends who were one of the many sisters before a badly wanted brother was born in the family. The sisters were raised on hand me downs ,old books and shared all the deprivations to be able to save something for their young brother. One such classmate of mine, named C here , used to cook for the family, bath the baby brother, helped in many household chores before coming to school.She knew this Home Work was priority for her. Just like us, she also took it as a tradeoff .If she wanted to continue with her studies she had to give up her certain rights .

Another friend of mine, lets call her D , who was second daughter in the family and had two more brothers was removed from an English medium school and was sent in a vernacular school because father could not afford the fees.
She and her sister studied in Vernacular school while brothers studied in an English medium school. The girls had little choice but to accept the decision . They took it as a trade off between a good school for them and a good future for their brothers and may be parents.

There must have been many more examples around   but the point here is , all these girls were allowed to be born and their parents did what they thought was best for the family(not necessarily for the girl) .
The girls were treated less than equal in the family but   more importantly these girls did not brew contempt.They accepted the unfairness meted out to them without protest and yet remained forward looking.

V is now a mother of 3 daughters , all equally loved ofcourse. I cannot say how good she proved to be as a wife but she is an outstanding mother. Her daughters are learning swimming, badminton, aspiring for good careers .She knows that ostentatious weddings for her daughters can not be the agenda of life.

C is happily teaching  Maths in an Engineering   College.Her daughter is learning Bharatnatyam.

D too is a teacher . Happy and independent .
Now, about me, though my sacrifice looks really lame before what all C, D and V had to sacrifice in their lives  , we all learnt the same thing in the course of changing times that celebrating girlhood is not all about giving up things in life  . We all have brought this correction in our thinking . All these friends of mine are celebrities in their own right who till today do not hold grudge against their parents . The parents did what they thought was best as per their discretion and their daughters did what they thought was best as per theirs.
So my this post is a toast and tribute to all those women who succeeded  against all odds and never became bitter in life.

                  Happy women's day to all of you .

Save the tiger (from public ignominy)

2010-02-22T00:04:00.000-08:00

Tiger of the urban woods (TUW) came out in open , faced the media , mother and the country first time after the -the world knows it all now- we have spilled the beans act of his more than 2 baker's dozen betraying girl friends and the accident his car had with a fire hydrant and a tree(a common urban man would have an uninteresting accident with a girl in the opposite car -point to be noted).

the most difficult part must have been to face the mother ,afterall media and country will soon have other things to bother about , but no you cannot run away from your own mother and mother in law ,right?

Since then , TUW has been chased by everyone, I mean,people are curious to know- how on earth?

How ,could he do that ?

how could, he do that ?

how could he, do that?

how could he do , that?

If you type tiger in google search you will find 43,000,000 results against the measely no of 1411 tigers in Indian woods if you search really hard for them . Poor Indian tigers ,imagine their plight , they stand poor second in popularity too. save Indian tigers, from obscurity atleast.

So, coming back to the TUW , he apologised to the family and friends and wife and kids and most importantly the famous brand owners/CEOs, for the brands he was endorsing. American being very forgiving(remember Hillary Clinton how magnanimously she forgave her husband when such a need arised in her marriage and his presidency),  I have little doubt that people will not forgive him eventually or atleast forget his (mis)adventures off the Golf field.
Right now TUW has been undergoing a rehab treatment in Florida and he needs to be left alone there
(ALONE -OK) .
People are chasing him to ask a thousand questions and hence ,for the benifit of all the nosy parkers he has answered some FAQs here ......

Q1) what kind of rehab programme have you joined in Florida ? please tell us some details .
A1) Well! its on the same lines as alcoholics anonymous with a little bit of difference in its treatment .
its called "womenohlics unanimous". It is a comprehensive treatment program which focusses on life style, pschycological help , medications, yoga and even spirituality. Indian philosophy and spirituality has been given particular emphasis in the program.

Q2) what kind of life style changes have they advised you ?

A2) Again , its the same as you would suggest to someone who wants to quit drinking or smoking like - don't keep the women at home . if you really want them badly ,you should plan to visit her atleast 200 kms away from your place, the trouble of driving through the traffic , taking a time out from the routine , homely surroundings would discourage you from the craving .another thing is , we are advised to keep off from the company of people(women) who make you vulnerable . we should hang out in the company of men , preferably those who have unconventional inclination or lack of it towards women .

Q3) what are the other activities in this rehab plan?
A3) we have catharasis sessions here wherein many famous people with different careers come and talk about how their career suffered due to the addiction .like they had called Bill Clinton to share his experience about how he was close to impeachment during his presidency term.
Also, I have an inmate , a geriatric guy called ND Tiwari from India who talked about how he was caught by a snoopy camera and had to lose his governer's job recently. There are some Bollywood film stars also who are undergoing the treatment here .
there is one guy called Aman Verma whose career has ruined because of the addiction and another guy -Shakti Kapoor whose addiction was soo bad that even very old bollywood actresses came to sets with their moms and, these moms being on death beds and not having their  mothers alive had to engage private musclemen for their security.   this guy ,shakti kapoor is a big time villain in bollywood who   was shown to rape atleast 3 women per movie .In order to bring a touch of reality in to his job he went on to buy a casting couch and practiced on it , as per the scene's demand. Now he is under most intensive treatment here.
then , there is a spiritual leader called Asa Ram bapu who is also invited here.

Q4) Asaramji? but we have heard that he is also involved in cases of voilating women ?
A4) Yes , yes .....I mean NO NO .he is not called here for spiritual counselling but for catharasis session only.

Q5) what kind of diet and medication is prescribed to you ?
A5) I am mostly on a raw diet , like raw onions, garlics and some offensive smelling raw sea food .
     these foods will prevent me from all those girls who show extra ordinary interest in me.
medication is mostly to detoxify the body . I am asked to avoid xinseng ,a korean aphrodiasiac and have been given an antiviagral IV 4 times a day.

Q6) What kind of Pschycological help is given to you so far?
A6) I am told that acknowledging your mistakes is the biggest step in the direction of feeling guilt free and start afresh . so I am given many counselling sessions in which I jot down all my ~~sorties~~ encounters with different girls which I would eventually tell my wife . Obviously I do not remember each one of them so Iam given hypnosis treatment through which I will recall certain ~~objects~~ girls from my subconscious memory and would talk about them to my wife Elen.

Q7) are you hopeful that your wife will forgive you ?
A7) Ofcourse . there are some short sessions of counselling for families of victims of addiction also .
like my wife will be attending a seminar by Hillary clinton on "how to move on" and a special crash course by regressive women's magzine editor and Indian serial producer Ekta kapoor on " Kapati parmeshwar". I am sure such efforts will be helpful.

Q8) Do you feel that your fame, money , popularity made it easy to be falliable? do you have any advice for a common man ?
A8) Yes , money , popularity made me think ,it was all I deserved and was alright to have . for the common man I have only one advice - have your EMI's so high that you do not have time and energy and resources to think of EMA's.

Q9) what are EMAs?

A9) Oh! they are Extra marital affairs- simply .

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Nb- while creating this blog I had unchecked the adult stuff content and I still stand by it. Information given here is purely of academic and curiosity quencher nature.

Motherhood Thy Name Is Guilt

2010-02-17T22:52:00.000-08:00

I vivdly remember ,that I was just out of labour room when my Mom showed me the freshest baby I had ever seen (I mean newest arrival in the world) and I felt no bond towards the baby and lo!!!there was this onrush of guilt which since then I have felt umpteen times.How could I not feel the affection (mamta -to be more apt), Iam not being a good mother *guilt guilt guilt*.
The baby looked red, his skin flaky , head elliptical and again the familiar feeling *guilt guilt guilt* , for he does not look as cute as a Johnson and Johnson baby they show in advertisement , I should not have refused to eat custard apple seeds powder with honey which my Mom had insisted upon and claimed that it would be good for his skin and hair .*guilt guilt guilt*.
Whenever he had a colick pain and he cried hard , I was pleading guilty to myself .Either I ate something wrong or the baby was hungry and I did not know or I had overfed him . Again *guilt guilt guilt*
Since then I am actually riding on a guilt trip.Now I am a mother of two so naturally guilt has doubled in its magnitude.
I feel guilty when I am taking care of younger one's needs because I am neglecting the elder one ,
similarly when I help the elder one with his HW automatically I am neglecting the younger one .
when Kids ask for maggi and I refuse them and give them greens instead , I feel guilty , but when I am busy and have no time to cook and I give them maggi , its the same feeling *---*.
Sometimes I pressurise them to study hard and I feel guilty being pushy and sometimes I just let it go and I feel more guilty being careless.
I have taken guilt to a level of fine art . When I was a working mom , I felt immensely guilty for not giving kids enough time , I always thought Quality time came from Quantity time so *---* . then I left my job and I still felt guilty , may be guiltier if possible, because now I had so much of time at hand that I gave a damn about the quality time.
I asked my mother , if she ever felt the same way and her reply was a revealetion to me . She said "Now that you ask me about the guilt ,I feel terribly guilty that you have inherited this guilt gene from me ".
I wanted to ask my mother in law too but could not muster the courage because Iam afraid she would be feeling guilty of atleast one thing i. e. to allow her son to marry me.

An open letter to SRK

2010-02-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

I have decided to write about SRK. The poor unprudent loud mouth.He got himself into trouble once again.Appearantly Shiv sena does not beleive in "love thy neighbour "kind of balderdash.nor does it believe in "offer the other cheek" philosophy which means its Ok for our paki neighbours to do booming at another 5 * Hotel.

Dear SRK
Although you appeared totally sane, sensible and rational while you spoke about IPL and team selection , I would have respected you for saying that about any other country but- PAKIS? Man , we need to build up a public opinion within us first that Pakistan needs to be isolated from the world , from India in the least, so that they feel the need to mend their ways.

Their government should be subjected to public pressure by their own people to stop terrorism,and how do we do that ?-by putting pressure on common people there ,by severing the ties with them.Even if we know that common man in pakistan does not buy bombs from grocery stores or keep AK47 in his garage ,common man does nothing to stop it either.the public pressure will build up only when the public will feel the need to do it.

we are not faking their currency, we are not bombing their cities, we are not doing a propoganda against them the way they do on their government channel against India.(I get to see a lot of Pakistani channels here and I have seen how PTV shows documentaries regularly about Kashmir and claims that indian army is doing atrocities on kashmiri people)
we are being nice to them but being extra nice is just totally uncalled for.

Dear SRK,the Pakistani Government's stand on Taliban is divided.Self styled intellectuals like Imran Khan and many other politicians say that there are good Talibans and bad Talibans.( which implies ,Good talibans are those who do bombing outside pakistan and bad ones do within their own country). Pak Government claims that they cannot gurantee that there would not be another 26/11 in India because it is done by non state actors. This is like a notorious parent allowing their kids to do mischief at neighbour's house and what are neighbour's to do ? -the answer is , stop inviting these kids at Birthday party , the good ones as well as bad ones.
let Good kids teach the bad ones to behave.

Media is going gaga over your aboveboard stand about Pakistan because its the Shivsena on the other side of the fence and whose danda , hooliganism and threat politics is something media has always wanted to oppose .But this time for once shivsena seems to be on the right side.

Shahrukh khan is hurt that he needs to prove his patriotism , but its Ok to exhibit patriotism. . Infact we all should sing national anthem loudly,paint indian flag on face during matches ,attend 15 aug and 26 jan celebrations ,campaign for national causes.Patriotism is not a love affair to keep secret about, its meant to be exhibited and to encourage others to do so. with your kind of fan following, there is a lot you can do by speaking responsibly rather than having hundreds of police men of Mumbai to guard the 63 cinema halls.

Dear Shaharukh , tell me the truth ,Do you really think soooo much about Pakistan or is it the huge audience you have there which makes you say what you say ?
and BTW , your interview with Barakha Dutt on NDTV was very entertaining. you took 95% of the screen space and went on bla bla bla.....dishing out your raw thoughts in animated way .
Have you ever wondered how Pakistani people must be laughing away to glory to see so many Indian supporters who beleive with you that Pakistan is a great neighbour.
SRKji, you need help , you are suffering from foot into mouth disease. I think Vipshyana will do you real good. I have heard they teach you there to keep quiet for days on .The world will not fall apart if you shut up.
With my sincere wishes to you for your movie "My name is Khan"
Regards,
Kirti

Home Coming and the realisation

2010-02-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

I returned to my hometown after 12 years ,I mean not to visit but to stay . I was trying to piece together all the memories scattered around the place. I was looking for my school and collegemates on the roads, malls, bazaars and every crowded place.I even tried to trace them down by looking their names into telephone directory , all in vain.

I guess nobody stayed in India anymore.But, the city looked exactly like I had left it years ago.Only new malls and new garbage dumps were being erected in these years,both serving the same purpose ,changing the landscape of the city.

I complained to one and all , at the risk of sounding snooty , that this city has stopped growing, has not changed a bit in a while.

Then one day I went to a garden with my two kids and one of my friend's kid. kind of feeling responsible for towing 3 kids ,like a mother of three kids.And, there I saw a young girl ,a hosteler she told me later , crowded by about 10 men of all shapes , sizes and intimidating looks petrifying the girl. they all looked as if they were guys with no jobs and no purpose in life. They all were condemning her for sitting with her boyfriend in the park bench in an objectionable manner.whatever that means ........

I asked the girl what the matter was and urged the men to leave .She told me her boy friend was already taken by some men to the police station for sitting here with her , may be leaning on each other or whatever.......
The Stupid girl did not even have money with her to go back and was waiting for the benevolent custodians of culture to bring her man back safely.

I suddenly felt like a mother of 4 and did not want to leave her behind. The men were still hanging around . I saw her out of the garden and helped her catch a bus. I almost forced her as she was worried about her boyfriend and wanted to wait for him to see him safe.

I do not know what happened to her boy friend.I do not know if they both are still together. I just hope that the girl learnt her lesson to carry some money with her and be prepared to take care of herself even when she is with her boyfriend.

And suddenly I realised that the city I grew up in has changed beyond recognition.it was no more the city I knew .

PS*
I realised the men loitering around in the garden were not devoid af any mission in their lives. They all had a responsible job at hand , of patching up the moral tattered fabric of the nation.

I have got a job

2010-01-24T23:29:00.000-08:00

The irony does not escape me that just when I thought I would call this blog a house wife's recluse I have landed with a job. A housewife-thats what I am for last 4 years ,and now I have a new job.
I have been doing a housewife's job for last 4 years .A job with no job descriptin .It includes finding socks for kids in the morning ,helping husband by tapping at the bathroom door and yelling "guy hurry up , u are getting late" ,on the intelligent side I occassionally read out technical specifications to husband over the phone when he has forgotten an important paper at home.
I have nobody to handover my housewifing to,I am sure nobody looks forward to swapping a job with a housewife.
I did not acknowledge it before but come to think of it .......I loved my stint as a housewife.oh!!! i am gonna miss all that what never mattered to me before. My walks which i forced myself to but once out they were pleasure, pleasure and pleasure. reading things, cooking stuff , Even watching mindless soaps was not that bad either.
I am suddenly worried about the half read books,the story I was to jot down which is simmering in my mind for so long, my baby blog, the movies which i though i would watch.but on the flip side I wil postpone house keeping for some other day and blame it to the new job and guess what !!!! this time there is no guilt.

I miss you

2010-01-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

The connotation of the expression or feeling or misgiving of missing my man has taken a paradigm shift as far as "i miss you " goes . Earlier, in those candy flossy days it meant -I wish you had been around ......and now a decade and a half later it means -If you had been around .
last week all the men ( one hubby and 2 sons) in my house went to watch FIFA club Football match and I was the self anointed queen in the house . don't ask me how I developed this feeling , it was the TV remote in one piece with all its channels to my disposal. so I did what any housewife worth her salt would do - plonk on a sofa and watch TV.It was a bit difficult to decide upon what to watch considering I have been a passive TV watcher for a long long time ,I finally settled down to watching SA RE Ga MA Pa and suddenly it occured to me I was alone , missing him .Now if he had been around , he would have watched news on NDTV or BBC or CNN during breaks and toggled between channels. so i did the same , i.e. try to watch 2-3 channels at a time .
the husband community firmly beleives that watching advertisements is a cognizable offence under IPC section ^@#$, so they keep changing the cahnnels , in the process the wife community has to miss on some part of their regular mentally nutritional stuff of cereals (ooops serials) and then they have to watch the repeat shows .
Anyway , here I was plonked on sofa watching News+Sa RE GA Ma.... enjoying(?) grave news from India like Ruchika case and Mattoo sahab's threat to Hockey team (BTW , why did not they make Mattoo sahab the CEO of AirIndia to deal with the pilots who fly between the two strikes ?He can do pretty neat job to threaten them rather than succumbing )and suffering the paralysing analysings of judges of the reality show following the songs.
I wanted to have a good time so I decided to quit watching TV and brought a bunch of Hara Dhania from fridge to clean and beleive me I had a ball of a time.

Humanity dies at the road of Thirunelveli

2010-01-09T22:25:00.000-08:00

It shook my faith in humanity. scores of people ; two ministers of Tamilnadu Government ,one of sports and the other of health ; a collector and a convoy befitting minister's visit play bystanders to a dying cop on the road.
What a shame! we let a man die on the road when he is pleading and begging for help. His helpless hand raised and fell down. Why didn't anybody's human impulse force them to hug the dying man and tell him "dont worry , we are here" . The ministers were sitting pretty in their white sarkari cars clad in their white shirt and lungi.the cost of laundry of their white dress was worth more than the life of a policeman.
The criminals who chopped the legs of the policeman are caught but what about the politicians who allowed this man to die ? Ok ,forget the politicians , they are proven rascals but the common man ...? why did not any of the people around come to the rescue of a dying man or forced the ministers to transport him in their cars .
I just could not help wondering what must be the last thoughts of the dying man ?
I am sure he must be regretting to have opted to be a policeman to make the lives of people secure and , worried that if he was allowed to die on the road uncared for , who would care for his family after his death?

Nostalgia

2010-01-04T00:17:00.000-08:00

At the best and with utmost euphemism nostalgia can be described as an Obsessive compulsive disorder to travel in life with the reverse gear , a perpetual desire to take a trip down the memory lane.

To some the feelings of nostalgia is so chronic that they live in a state of denial of present , clinging to their past . So addicted are they, to their past that the ambience around them is consistently enveloped in their past.

Haven’t a song in melodious voice of Lata Mangeshkar coming from far has suddenly made you time travel to your college days when you watched the particular movie with your college gang , however lousy the movie was, you still have a smile on your face to think of it. In all possibilities you can still even name many of your friends you watched the movie with.

many of our Marathi Mandali, will be suddenly overcome with an overwhelming emotion by hearing the famous song from the movie Ashta Vinayak , “Datun Kanth Yeto….” (equivalent of BABUL KI DUAYEN LETI JAA....). many women would vouch to have cried listening to this song and have thought of their father , ask even women married more than 40 years now. my personal nostalgic high comes as soon as I hear mangalashtakas in any marriage and, my lachrymal glands almost instantaneously start functioning at peak.

I personally associate the fragrance of Johnson and Johnson powder with my children’s infancy , Summer vacation with grand parent’s old house where a huge dark and dingy room was specially kept for dumping old stuff, raw mangoes and children .
The windy march afternoons and ruffling of dry leaves on the roads still make me nervous and nostalgic about the exam’s time and the compounded tension and anxiety I experienced along with .

Some nostalgias are specific of certain generations , if we have grown up and evolved with BW TV , landline phones , our imagination was nurtured and flickered by Amitabh Bachchan’s movies and Doordarshan’s moderately entertaining and largely pontificating serials (they were not soaps then) , then it’s highly likely that today’s soaps full of wicked scheming women characters who are garishly dressed , wielding cells in their hands all the time , wearing make up even while sleeping are highly incompetent to keep you engaged . You watch those soaps to criticize them , ridicule them or to compare them with those of “our times” but never for its entertainment value.

Ever remember the romance of calling up your betrothed on the landline when probability of he/she picking the phone was one upon number of family members available in the house . As the customized ubiquitous cell phone made the clandestine phone calls obsolete ,the fluttering of heart while anticipating and hoping that the sweet heart would pick up the phone is spoiled .you may think that cellulars have made access and communication easier but surely would never imagine damning those good old days of calling up 5 digit ,simply itched on heart, numbers.

We all have uncles and Aunts in the family whose dialogue !!! ,(read monologue) , starts with ,” in our times… ” , however difficult those times were , the times bygone are always remembered fondly. An aunt of mine , now 92 years old , told me many a time that how as a ninth daughter in the family , at the age of 14, was taken to a village to show her for the prospective alliance(my uncle) . Once the groom’s family approved of the relation , her father singlehandedly married her off in her mother’s absence in the same visit telling that it was unaffordable for him to come all the way again for the ceremony . Aunty still remembers her times with mixed feelings of admiration and wistfulness.

Nostalgia can be a comfort zone, a refuge , a security blanket when we are unhappy with our present or trying to escape from the unpleasantness in day today life but, for most of us it’s a bridge between our past and the present .

I always wonder 20-25 years down the lane what all things we would be nostalgic about and would bother the next generations with all the trivial details of our times ,

To list a few –

In our times

(IOT)we had to ask our parent’s approval to get married.

(IOT) In our Times we did not have very good network for mobile phone, sometimes there would be no signal and we had to come out of the house to Talk.

(IOT) we would get parking place in the city malls within half an hours search during off peak hours

(IOT) we used to write proper dictionary spellings for answers in exams, sms language was looked down upon.

(IOT) there used to be quite a many youngsters and teenagers who would not have a bike of their own to go to high schools.

(IOT) parents and their money both were respected.

YOU can add a few too in the same line to enrich the list.